Angelina Jolie on the Importance of Being A Parent

Hi guys,
I'm back
Quick explanation for not being here for well over a month: Just didn't feel like blogging.
Quick explanation for suddenly making a comeback: reading Angelina Jolie's statement in the newspaper today morning!

OOOkay.....so I'm sure we all read/heard/saw Angelina Jolie's statement about Everything important in life being related only to parenthood. You haven't? Ok. It's still ok. There, now we all know it, and most of us have probably run the statement in our minds over and over in a loop like a tape in our little heads.

C'mon, you must have asked yourself "Really?? Hmmmm....." at least.

It's great if she feels that way, I mean, great for her kids too!!! It's also fine if there are other women who share her views. As far as they really believe so, deep within their heart and are happy with the way it is.
But damn! Does it put pressure on women like me who don't think so or feel that way.

I have nothing against parenthood. I have nothing against Angelina Jolie. I don't want to be judgemental about anybody coz I hate being judged.

But, honestly, saying just one aspect of life is all-important is, I think, a rather simplistic view of your own life. Can we, women, complex as we are, be defined by just our motherhood/parenthood? I mean why leave the men out...ok we humans are complex creatures, so surely our progeny can't be our only "important' aspect of our life. And honestly I also take offence on behalf of all those people I know who can't have kids for various reasons or have chosen not to. I mean, they all have various aspects of their lives, apart from parenthood, that they are involved in and are happy with, and they are important too.

What irritates me about Miss Jolie is that when SHE says such things the world will sit up and take notice. It only reinforces  a stereotype, what Indian society has been saying all along to its women -- get married, have children, care for them... that's your purpose in life. If you have a career, put it on a backburner; have no interests of your own; self-sacrifice. You interest lies solely in your family. Etc Etc Etc.

No, no don't jump on me yet.
Agreed, our children, our family are important to us. They are  a crucial aspect of our life.
BUT, they are not the be-all and end-all of our universe. An individual can't exist like that. At some point there is an individuality, some aspect of us cut off from our relationship with anyone else except ourselves that needs to exert itself.

I'm not saying every woman must concentrate only on career, or that we must neglect one to uphold another aspect of life. We do some great balancing acts around here and I think we should pat our backs ourselves for that.

But there's a need for all of us to acknowledge that we do have our individuality, that we do sometimes strive to achieve things other than making babies, feeding them, raising them well. That too. But, note it's THAT TOO.

We have aspirations to learn something new, challenge ourself on skills yet to be learnt or master those we already know, learn a new language, a dance, go climb a hill or mountain by ourselves, learn karate....i don't know what else....FOR OURSELVES. Not for our spouses. Not for our parents. Not for our kids. And yes, these things are important too.

You can't nullify all other aspects of life and say all that's important is related to parenthood. The rest is, well, nothing? Doesn't work like that, right? Ok I think I've said too much, all in a rush, a flood of thoughts unleashes...what are you people thinking out there???? I'm sure there are MANY counter-views....

10 things/games to do/play indoors with your child this winter

Been too blah to blog.
Had a great vacation over two weekends ago and wanted to put up some pictures and write about it...but it never really happened.
Meanwhile the Hubby was travelling, the Sonny Boy was ill, the ageing parents busy and cranky, my boss missing in action, and my life pure hell.

In the meanwhile, lil boy had to be entertained. I'm starved these days for ideas. Bangalore evenings in November and December can be cold. Which means visits to the park are few and far apart. Moreover, considering Sonny has pathetic immunity, I'm not willing to risk taking him out in the evenings and put him on one more bout of antibiotics for a cold and congestion he will catch (it's ok if i sound like a paranoid mom).

Here are things we've been doing in the evenings at home and might help you keep your li'l one entertained on cold winter evenings (P.S. My Sonny is a li'l over 3 years so do keep that in mind in terms of kind/level of activities)

1. Play pass the ball -- All forms of it still excite my Sonny. I thought they grow over it fast. But hell, no!!! Change the ball, (colour/size/type -- plastic, rubber, inflated etc). Play alternate days. If you have a long hall, sit on the floor at opposite ends and just roll the ball across back-and-forth. I didn't know kids can derive such fun out of such simple things. Tell her/him it has to come straight to mummy and watch them concentrate.
2. Dribble the ball -- Sonny loves it and can sometimes go up to 26 at a stretch when he's concentrating. I'm proud of him, and it gives them a sense of achievement. If they can't dribble, play bounce. You bounce the ball off the floor once and he/she catches it and then he/she bounces it off the floor once and you catch it. Needless to say, it improves their eye-hand co-ordination (realised Sonny's a bit slow on this too probably coz he doesn't play ball with the other kids at playschool!)
3. Honestly, he didn't know how to hop on one leg (wish i could find the link to a story on how most kids these days lack this "skill". Went back after reading and checked on Sonny -- of course he didn't!). So one evening we practised hopping on one leg. He really loved it! Now he can hop a few steps without falling down. We tried it with him holding one leg up, with me helping him by supporting him with one hand etc. Since he knows the rhyme "Hop a little, jump a little, skip a little.." he told me "Amma next we'll do 'skip'." And quickly followed it up with "What's skip?" Some games we played so naturally as kids just don't exist any more. I remember playing hopscotch where we'd draw these 7 squares and play what was called "bachcha"  doing all sort of combination hops, with a piece of stone placed on an outstretched hand, or on the head!
4. Paints/crayons/sketch pens -- the best forms of evening entertainment. When he's really bored with freehand painting and scribbling and scratching on white paper sheets, and is done with his numerous colouring books, we "finger print". Paint various colours on all finger tips -- all together or one by one and keep pressing it on plain paper. Random prints will do fine. Or draw an outline of something easy -- say a star fish and print within, if the child is older. Finger-print a border and it's good to go on display. Kids love to get their hands dirty. I think at least 80 per cent of them should!! Keep an old cloth handy to wipe away. Use water colours.
5. Make a slide indoors. The foam cushions we have on the sofa come in handy. As do the little diwan cushions. We throw in a teepoy/rectangular coffee table and we have our own slide! Make a path of small cushions and tell him those are the "steps" up the slide. Then create a tiered layer of cushions, where he can climb up and come "sit" at the head of the slide. The "slide" is a really tiny short legged side table we have that we slant against the tiered cushions and wedge against other cushions that are wedged against a wall (all this to make sure nothing slips out of place). It's not hurt-proof I agree, but he can't really harm himself much doing something like this. Besides, once they get a kick out of it, they love arranging the cushions themselves. Just make sure if you use a table/wooden board etc for the slide, that is one thing you, the parent, adds on.
6. One more good ol' simple game from the good ol' days. Snakes and ladders. By now they get a thrill in "winning", "getting there first", feel sorrow when "bitten by a snake" and have to slide down...I'm having a tough time teaching him it's fine to lose, but boy! Is that a tough lesson for these brats to learn?!! Working on it.
7. Puzzles are an alltime favourite. If your child likes puzzles, put the favourites away for a while and bring them out after a month or a few weeks. There is a thrill in being able to recall the puzzle and doing it instantly. By now, if your child can identify numbers, letters, there are many flash card games for the age group that combine a bit of learning too.
8. Books. Reading. Storytelling. Always wins hands down.
9. Sticker books!!! I love them. And so does Sonny. Those that leave a page blank for you to fill on your own and make your own story (I think Paragon books has a series on animals) are the best. Then there are those where you have to stick it in place -- a sort of fill in the blanks.
10. Play outdoor things indoors. Kids hate being told "not inside the house". But when u give in, they derive a vicarious pleasure from it.  A game of plastic bat and ball cricket inside is not too bad (stay away from the TV). Or teach them traffic rules -- you become traffic cop and they have to go around the dining table on their tricycle/push car/truck and follow your signals -- stop at red, go at green, no speeding etc
11. Ok....watch some TV. It's the laziest of things to do, and hence down on my list, but it can be a lifesaver sometimes, specially on days when u just want to plop down yourself, after a hard day's work outside ;-).

Rockstar: It's rocking...almost, till the heroine gets sick

I watched Rockstar on the day of its release and have been quite kicked about the movie.
One, because, damn, Ranbir Kapoor has grown up! He's put in some serious effort into his role and looks convincing, making the film an endearing watch.
Two, because A.R. Rahman's music is as much of the Rockstar as Ranbir is, needless to say. And yippeee Mohit Chauhan sounds suitably angsty for the Ranbir who looks suitably angsty.
Three, because, I'm happy with the kind of films that the Hindi film industry is coming up with. Honestly.
Ok so there's mindless mayhem like Dabanng that actually mints money....but there's all kinds of film co-existing, thank god.
If you guys have been switching channels this weekend, there were a whole lot of discussions on news channels on "Has Indian cinema come of age?" keeping in mind "The Dirty Picture", and and the Think Fest at Goa, with discussions on "The Changing Face of Bollywood". The discussions have been engrossing, open, throwing up frank opinions and opening up new threads of thought. It was great to hear Khushboo, Mahesh Bhat, Dibakar Banerjee, and Aamir Khan speak.

Hubby and me, both being avid moviegoers were feeling thrilled after watching the film that we're moviegoers at a time when Hindi cinema is going through such a gutsy phase. We just saw a few weeks ago the very unsettling "That Girl in Yellow Boots"... I couldn't sleep for much of the night. It's revolting, the end. But my point is, a cinema should leave you feeling something. If it's just popcorn-eating entertainment, it's fine, but only once in a way. I can't take too much of that kind of cinema. But I need it too!

Ok I'm veering off the Rockstar track. But if there's one thing I want to, in true Bollywood style declare, "I object My Lord!" in a court -- it's a protest against director Imtiaz Ali for making the heroine have a terminal bone marrow illness. I thought it was a Shah Rukh Khan thing to have his heroines dying of all sorts of diseases... I mean that track of the film has seriously maimed the rest of the story.

I mean, what's it with Hindi films in this aspect? You must have a dying heroine? Always? Bah!! Terminal illness. It has to be the only reason to accept a woman who loves someone outside her marriage?
The strong point however is the character of Ranbir; in fact all the effort seems to have gone into shaping him.
The fact that Nargis Fakhri can't act and look beyond her bee-stung lips makes Ranbir look even better (a deliberate pairing, I presume).
But the angst in Ranbir....aaah that's something I loved. The anger, the restlessness, the aimlessness...it's something a lot of us feel, even if we are not rockstars. His grungy air, his temper ufff it all fell neatly in place.
I don't want to sit here and tell the story. You must see it. And forgive Imtiaz Ali, lord, for his sin of dumping yet another terminal illness on yet another Hindi cinema heroine.

Mission Accomplished: Sonny's LKG admission done!

A quick post to say Hurraaaayyyy!
Sonny Boy is in! He's got admission in this one school I tried in.

Yeah, I know i gambled. But...what the hell!
I know I've ranted at length about this "education" worry  on my blog before when i posted Why Do We Parents Worry So Much About Our Children's Education?,  and then Admission Admission: I Didn't Do It... so this is where it conclusively concludes....for now!

The school is:
1. About half a kilometre from our place, as well as my parents' - sort of mid way between the two homes.
2. It's an SSLC syllabus-based school.
3. It's one of those old-fashioned schools -- no word "international" tucked in between ;-) So the fees doesn't give me a heart attack either; in fact it's super-reasonable and there are no deposits/donations.
4. It's in the heart of north Bangalore and it actually has a playground!
5. There's no worry of transport to school -- we can walk him or drop him off easily. Also means no transport costs.
6. The timings suits my lazy self and my work schedule -- it's 12 to 4.30 for LKG and they'll be graduating to a more "normal" morning schedule in UKG. Hope that works for the poor dear who loves to nap in the afternoon -- keeping my fingers crossed.

We had the "formal meeting" today with the Principal -- very sweet it was. They only asked Sonny one question -- "what is your name?" which he promptly and predictably didn't answer. They gave him a cchocolate and let him be after that reticent silence. They asked hubby and me a few questions about work, if we travel a lot on work, who takes care of the kid then, which playschool is he going to now etc. That was it. They also figured that some of my cousins had been to their school, many years ago. Some familiarity established. One of the interviewers, I guess the vice-principal, lives near my mom's place. More familiarity established. They handed us a slip with the his name and the word "admitted". SIMPLE. Done. In fact it was so fast, I still can't accept it.

So my worrying self is back to worrying....did i do right?

Learning to speak in English...

We are a nation obsessed with English. We are a nation obsessed with getting our kids to speak English, correct grammar and all, right from the beginning (yeah I swear on that by my Wren and Martin).
An English-medium education is what we all crave for our kids -- everyone wants it for their kids -- from the household help, the vegetable seller, the dhobi, your neighbour, YOURSELF (myself included), your neighbour, your cousins in small towns and villages. I'm not looking down upon anyone here, just saying that it's a universal aspiration.
There is pride and joy on our iron-man's face when he reminds me (each time i ask him how his daughters are doing) "Nan makkalu English-medium nalli odtaavre" (My kids study in English medium).

And I haven't been left behind either. I've joined the rat race too, in complete rat-like earnestness to get Sonny to understand some English before he takes those giant steps to "big boy's school" next academic year.

Honestly I hadn't realised how soon it begins till one day we were in an argument, Sonny and I, about some random thing. We were as usual talking in Kannada, our mother tongue. Then, in frustration, i cant remember on what issue, I screamed in English: "Where do you want me to be?" After a moment of silence he said "Here, at home." I was shocked.
a) I hadn't expected a reply to my rhetorical question
b) I hadn't expected him to really understand my question
c) I hadn't expected a reply in English.
d) I hadn't expected a completely coherent phrase/sentence.

It was then that it struck me that he'd told me a few days ago, some time post the Dasara vacation that his playhome teachers had been telling them all to converse in school only in English. So now it's "I want water" (of course, "please" is still a difficult word in his world). A sharp "Yah" (with a stress on the "h" sound) or a vehement head-nodding "No" to my questions. Sometimes a simple "Nice, I like" when he likes a dress I'm wearing. He's able to understand most of the questions I ask him in English. Sometimes replies in English, sometimes in Kannada, sometimes a mix of both languages...

I have a really failing memory, but what prompted me to write this post was a conversation I had last night with him, both of us sitting on the sofa, he was tracing lines on a work sheet his teacher had given. I wish I had immediately jotted it down then, but we spoke some four sentences, back and forth, Q and A, in complete coherence. I was quite amused...and well, happy.

I know of many Indian parents who straight away start talking to their kids in English only, since the child is born, so he/she picks up English well and early. I also know equally well of so many parents (like me and hubby) who insist on talking to the child only in our mother tongue at home, knowing that they will pick up English in school later anyway. And that they must know the language spoken by the family quite well.

We recently had some of hubby's guests from overseas home for dinner. After chatting them up with a few "Yah"s and "No"s he came beaming to me and said "Amma naanu avara jothey English-nalli maataadta iddeeni, with a twinkle in his eyes. (Mummy, I'm talking to them in English.) It's not like we've ever asked him to talk to anyone in English, but when we lapse into it in conversations at home, he joins us. I mean, I've had a really aggressive aunt of mine, a teacher, who has always insisted on speaking to him in English whenever she visited -- earlier he would look at her agog, wide eyed, but never understanding a word. I used to love watching them together.

I must also mention that Sonny's English has hit a high with his watching very seriously this channel called Cbeebies -- the BBC's children's channel. Saying he's addicted is an understatement. I like the channel too because there are no advertisements, the programmes are really short, and are really targeted at the pre-school age  group (at least most of those he likes watching).  Moreover, all these programmes have some form of learning woven into them -- concepts of colour, shapes, names of animals etc. There's also a show called "I can cook" which my Sonny watches like he's seriously gonna make the dish next at home! Many of the sentences are enunciated slowly, and I have often caught repeating these short sentences like "He has gone to bed", or "The sun has set" as he watches the show.