Mum has cancer...our world has fallen apart

This post will perhaps be my last...or my last in a long time. Or maybe I'll be writing more to spill out that whole gamut of emotions I'm going through....life's gone topsy turvy.

After much running around in circles, mom was finally diagnosed end of last month as having lung cancer. In an advanced stage, but with fairly positive prognosis.
Today we came back home from her first chemotherapy. She looks so frail and vulnerable....and to think she has to go through this five times all over again is plain depressing.
 Each day I leave home with great apprehension, thinking "how will she be today?"
My mum's being the brave soldier for most part. Really really brave and practical, with a stoic approach to the whole thing. That has helped. But she's weak and exhausted already. Some days i just feel miserable for her and break down in the bathroom.

Mums really hold the key to you life, I swear. Without them, you're bloody hell LOST!!! You dont realise the value of a person till they sort of go missing-in-action. I realise how much my mum was doing around the house for my Sonny, for me, for dad, for the household. She still tries, when she's still feeling ok, to do so many things around her, but age is not exactly on her side...she's past 70.

Suddenly equations around home have changed. Dad is so lost around home, mum has to tell him how to do each thing. I've had to re-learn to re-live in my parents home, the way they like it. Mum has become extra touchy about everything.

What's scary is logistics, liogistics, logistics.

The worst sufferer in all this, though, i feel is Sonny Boy. It's beginning to show and that's making me feel worse. He's emotionally distraught that I'm never there -- he was even telling the maid "my mum's always in the hospital". I feel guilty not being around him. When I'm not in hospital, I have to be at work...ugh.

I understand that what my mum must be going through is plain hell -- physically, emotionally....she worries so much...for us! So typical of mums, huh?

I'm trying too to put on a brave face, though its getting increasingly testing. It's turning out to be a logistical nightmare for me. Running two households (I've moved into mum's place temporaily), keeping the job (need the money for her treatment), the hospital rounds, staying overnight at hospital (the worst scene i swear), keeping constant tabs on mom, trying to look after the lil fella.......... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And the financial blow...gawd. Any of you out there with parents like me who dont have medical insurance/coverage, go get them covered today. I mean it. It's one of the biggest mistakes i ever made in life....bearing the brunt now.

The hubby dear has been super-supportive, touch wood. But has to travel soon, so not a good scene.

Ok all this is just one mad outporing, and an explanation for why I've not been here/will not be here on this space for some time at least....dunno how things will turn out. Those of you who believe in the power of prayer, please pray for my mum.

How to care for your ill, sick, unwell wife

I've decided this must be a tutorial. The mounting frustration for a woman, when her man can't take care of her when she's really down and out, is quite something, and adds to her illness.
No, I'm ok at the moment. But when I do fall ill, I keep telling myself I must write this post. (All my dear friends who tell me I must talk it out with the hubby, tell him what exactly to do, I've tried this...telling him what he can do to make me feel better etc, but somehow it just does'nt seem to register in his heart :-(


Since men, at least most of them, don't seem to know "how to", while for women it just seems so natural and instinctive.
(Ok, all those men who know how to already, don't read this and don't send me nasty comments, please.)
I'm hoping someday, my husband too will hit upon this when he googles the topic, (if he ever ever looks up the topic, that is!) and learn a thing or two.

So, if your wife is unwell, here are just some of the things you can do to make her feel a tad better:

1. Wake up earlier than her and get the household started. Anyone who's ill likes to stay in bed a little longer than usual. If you know her routine, good. Else just check with her the previous night what you can do in the morning to make things easier for her. Be specific. "I want you to stay in bed longer tomorrow morning, dear. So tell me what I can get done before you're up." She'll most likely turn down your offer. But please don't give up at one "no". Maybe heat the milk, pick up the paper from the front door, fill up drinking water, answer the doorbell, wake up the kids and take them through their morning ablutions, get the kids lunch boxes cleaned up and ready...

2.  But first, when you wake her up, please ask her how she's feeling. That you show concern will make her feel better already. If she says "not too good", ask what it is, listen to the answer, and offer to take her to the doctor/call doctor to fix the appointment. Take her to the doctor. Don't expect her to get there on her own.

3. Most people who are unwell would like something warm to drink first thing in the morning (that's how I am; there may be other preferences). It's usually soothing. Ask if she wants tea/coffee or anything like milk/warm water to drink. And make it. It's not all that difficult. If you don't know how to make any of these, ask, and she will tell you. Or she'll get out of bed in frustration and make it herself (don't rule that possibility out either! but try anyway)

3. If you can manage to make breakfast, nothing like it. The humble toast will be acceptable, usually. Or if you can make some broth/ porridge/ ganjee, do that. Nothing fried or elaborate. Or if she's up to it despite being ill, maybe order in her breakfast of choice, depending on whether she can stomach food from outside. In terms of Indian food, something like idli, pongal/khichdi, ganjee, a plain rava upma may not be bad options to rustle up, if you can manage them. Google recipes the previous night if you want to make a serious effort. Or call your mom/aunt/her mom and ask (that'll also make you popular {if you call her relatives that is, not YOUR mom} and maybe offers of help will pour in). Don't try to surprise her. It'll help if you check with her if ingredients are at home. She'll possibly give you an easier option than you wanted to try.

4. Try and take leave from work, at least for a day to be there for her. The gesture will be so appreciated, you will not imagine it. I may be generalising, but women don't think twice about using up their leave to care for a sick husband/child. Somehow men don't seem to do it as willingly. Do it, and see her glow.

5. Offer to call in for help, if you really can't manage. A hired nurse for an illness/fracture that may make her immobile will sort things out, if you can afford to pay for it. Else, offer to request the help of a family member/ relative she's comfy with. People might be more willing than you think. Just make sure you help them in their time of need/ illness.

6. If you have kids, and she has something contagious, keep them away from her. Tell them what it is, don't make them cry for their mother. Take care of their basics -- feeding/ bathing/ playing/ entertaining. If it's older kids, get them ready for school. It' ok if they don't bathe for a day. It's ok if you fill their lunch boxes with an easy meal one day. If they are old enough to communicate, ask them what you can do for them, and ask them to help you too, since mummy is ill. You won't imagine how cooperative they might just be. But don't be angry if very young ones don't understand. It's bad enough for them not to have mummy by the side; they definitely won't be able to handle an upset dad. Some kids will know their mum's routines better than you will. And they might be more handy in the kitchen and around the house than you are -- they'll show you a few things.

7. Once the kids are packed off, discuss with you wife what to do for lunch. If she's feeling better, you both together might rustle up something in the kitchen. The same goes for dinner. You can in fact tell her that you don't really know what exactly to do, but want to help her and make her feel better. Tell her she just needs to give instrutctions and it will be done. Admit that you'd rather do what she wants than try something and bungle up, if that's a possible thing for you to admit. The idea should go down well with the wife.

8. Draw her water for the bath, if she feels up to it. Offer to massage her head/back if she has an ache (you need to do this only for a mere two minutes -- it's not such a un-doable task).

9. Make sure she takes her medication. Ask "did you take your medicine?" Bring it to her bedside. If she's looking better, offer to set her up in the TV room, or any other place...a change of place might cheer her, rather than wallowing in bed the whole day. Check on her every half hour or so if she has a fever.

10. When you're talking to her, pay attention. Don't sit in the TV room on a sofa and yell half-hearted "Do you want something?" while she's in the bedroom. She may be too weak to scream back. And too pissed if you don't care to walk over to her.

11. Mean what you say. Even if you're upset that you had to stay away from work, and do all these things you don't like doing, don't show it. In the way you speak, in the way you treat her. That hurts. Try to make small cheerful talk, pleasant things, myaybe look at your old photos, play her favourite tape of soft soothing music -- don't bring up a subject in  that you know usually triggers a war between you two.

12. And please, don't keep pointing out saying "see i'm doing so much for you". Women are far more sensitive and will notice it themselves. You don't have to tell them. Most often they thanklessly do these things for you every day.

13. Keep noise levels in the house down. Noise can make one feel more ill -- that means no loud TV, no screaming kids, no thumping music, and don't call over your boisterous friends and have a "boys' day in" because you're at home anyway, for heaven's sake! Save that for later.

14. Most importantly, don't let your enthusiasm flag. Don't start the day in the perfect way and then tire out and just plop down and say "i can't do this any more". Looking after someone who's ill can be tiring, taxing, and a continuous process. Accept that first.

15. And all this does not mean you need to suffer. Make sure you eat and take care of yourself too. If it's something contagious the wife has, you'll have to take precautions not to get it from her. Because if you fall sick too, the situation will only get worse. (If it's something like pox, you may have to pack off the kids and stay with her).

16. Check with her if clothes need to be put into the washing machine (if you have kids, the school uniforms may be the emergency washing needed), if dishes have to be loaded in the washer, or if you have a maid/help what instructions must be given.

17. Just as you kickstarted the household, you might also have to wind things up -- shut out lights, lock doors, bring in the laundry, put kids into bed (after getting them to study/do homework/ feed them), put out the coupons for the next day's milk supply etc.... and remember, YOUR WIFE DOES MOST OF WHATEVER YOU DID THIS ONE DAY, EVERY DAY, DAY AFTER DAY.

18. NOTE: If you really really can't do any or all of this, or just find it too daunting, at least offer to take her over to her parents or any close aunts who live near enough for her to bear the journey, and with whom she'll be comfortable recovering. She needs some rest.

Please, any woman who reads this and wants to add her own tips, please leave a comment and I'll add that to my growing list!

NOTE: This post was inspired by my other post which I'd written down in February 2011 titled "Why can husbands never care for sick wives?"
http://crib-crib.blogspot.in/2011/02/why-can-husbands-never-care-for-sick.html

How much can a woman do?

WARNING: THIS IS A RANT. A LONG ONE. IF YOU'RE A MAN, PLEASE DON'T BOTHER READING THIS. YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND.
It's a rant that goes around in circles. Like me.

I haven't been around a long time. But when emotions build up, this is really the place to come to. To vent vent, vent, cry out in words and go back to life post 7 p.m. and cook dinner like nothing really happened. Though I may be all Hiroshima inside.

Today's been bad. Goes without saying. That explains the presence.

What all must a woman really do? This is something bothering the hell out of me. I'm sure a lot of women do much more than I'm doing now. Maybe without complaint. Maybe they're sharing it all. Maybe they're happy. Maybe they're sad. Maybe they want to throw hot rasam on the kitchen wall.

I mean look at all that I can think of -- work, earn, cook, keep home, clean, manage maids, care for husband, child, ageing parents, take emotional shit from people, go back and still smile at boss while gritting teeth, look good, cook and eat healthy, sun the winter woolies, air the summer cottons, buy a new raincoat, exercise, diet, keep good relations with neighbours, call the in-laws everyday, buy the soap, put away the boiled and cooled milk in the fridge, buy the medicine, catch up with old girlfriends (to retain sanity), set out the clothes that need ironing, call the aunt who always has verbal diarrhea, pack the child's bag, buy the onions, switch off all the lights and fans that spouse leaves on, don't forget to wear kaajal or the eyebags get highlighted, boil the drinking water, fill the forms, decide what to make for breakfast tomorrow, humour the neighbours in conversation in the apartment when all you want to do is go home and flop down, but then go home and head straight to the loo and then to the kitchen and then it will be more than 3 hours before you can actually flop down. Feel guilty you're not doing enough. Cry yourself to sleep. Wake up all bleary eyed and start all over again. Three days of annual vacation DOES NOT offset all this crap.

I mean is there an end to the list?
Is there a day when you can mentally not have a "to do" list?
Aren't there moments in life when you wish everyday didn't seem like a chore or a string of them you "have to" do rather than want to.

And to top it all there's no room for yourself, your reading, your TV watching, your thought process about things not related to home and hearth (chances are it's always interrupted by thoughts of home and hearth). It's just thanklessly moving from doing one thing for someone to doing another thing for someone else. Forget being thanked. Getting criticised. Or worse, ignored.
And whoever said doing all this selflessly gives them joy, I mean, please, for heaven's sake don't say it in front of me. Not today.

And I hate it when the man is emotionally "switched off" -- to to all these things that happen around him. I cannot understand that capability of being more alive to your TV channel, your raucous comedy shows, your Blackberry and your laptop, your office colleagues and your overseas boss, than to the wife and child around you. And being incapable of doing things at home naturally because he's part of the household, but rather needs to be told what to do. Aaaaararrrrggghhhhh.... Couldn't be bothered by all these "small things" mentioned in the big paragraph above. I mean if you make it into a list and give it to a man, he'll scratch out 90 per cent of them as "unnecessary", give it back to you, and ask what's cooking for dinner.

(I think I wrote a similar post a few months ago...now, did I? I sound so familiar to myself!)

P.S: I haven't been feeling like writing. I don't know what's happened. Maybe too many things on my mind. Maybe mid-life crisis. Maybe my mom's undiagnosable illness.

My dear dear Aparna and Aparna, Uma, Garima, Sahana...a thousand apologies.
I've been off the grid and not reading either. Guilty on two counts :-(

Angelina Jolie on the Importance of Being A Parent

Hi guys,
I'm back
Quick explanation for not being here for well over a month: Just didn't feel like blogging.
Quick explanation for suddenly making a comeback: reading Angelina Jolie's statement in the newspaper today morning!

OOOkay.....so I'm sure we all read/heard/saw Angelina Jolie's statement about Everything important in life being related only to parenthood. You haven't? Ok. It's still ok. There, now we all know it, and most of us have probably run the statement in our minds over and over in a loop like a tape in our little heads.

C'mon, you must have asked yourself "Really?? Hmmmm....." at least.

It's great if she feels that way, I mean, great for her kids too!!! It's also fine if there are other women who share her views. As far as they really believe so, deep within their heart and are happy with the way it is.
But damn! Does it put pressure on women like me who don't think so or feel that way.

I have nothing against parenthood. I have nothing against Angelina Jolie. I don't want to be judgemental about anybody coz I hate being judged.

But, honestly, saying just one aspect of life is all-important is, I think, a rather simplistic view of your own life. Can we, women, complex as we are, be defined by just our motherhood/parenthood? I mean why leave the men out...ok we humans are complex creatures, so surely our progeny can't be our only "important' aspect of our life. And honestly I also take offence on behalf of all those people I know who can't have kids for various reasons or have chosen not to. I mean, they all have various aspects of their lives, apart from parenthood, that they are involved in and are happy with, and they are important too.

What irritates me about Miss Jolie is that when SHE says such things the world will sit up and take notice. It only reinforces  a stereotype, what Indian society has been saying all along to its women -- get married, have children, care for them... that's your purpose in life. If you have a career, put it on a backburner; have no interests of your own; self-sacrifice. You interest lies solely in your family. Etc Etc Etc.

No, no don't jump on me yet.
Agreed, our children, our family are important to us. They are  a crucial aspect of our life.
BUT, they are not the be-all and end-all of our universe. An individual can't exist like that. At some point there is an individuality, some aspect of us cut off from our relationship with anyone else except ourselves that needs to exert itself.

I'm not saying every woman must concentrate only on career, or that we must neglect one to uphold another aspect of life. We do some great balancing acts around here and I think we should pat our backs ourselves for that.

But there's a need for all of us to acknowledge that we do have our individuality, that we do sometimes strive to achieve things other than making babies, feeding them, raising them well. That too. But, note it's THAT TOO.

We have aspirations to learn something new, challenge ourself on skills yet to be learnt or master those we already know, learn a new language, a dance, go climb a hill or mountain by ourselves, learn karate....i don't know what else....FOR OURSELVES. Not for our spouses. Not for our parents. Not for our kids. And yes, these things are important too.

You can't nullify all other aspects of life and say all that's important is related to parenthood. The rest is, well, nothing? Doesn't work like that, right? Ok I think I've said too much, all in a rush, a flood of thoughts unleashes...what are you people thinking out there???? I'm sure there are MANY counter-views....

10 things/games to do/play indoors with your child this winter

Been too blah to blog.
Had a great vacation over two weekends ago and wanted to put up some pictures and write about it...but it never really happened.
Meanwhile the Hubby was travelling, the Sonny Boy was ill, the ageing parents busy and cranky, my boss missing in action, and my life pure hell.

In the meanwhile, lil boy had to be entertained. I'm starved these days for ideas. Bangalore evenings in November and December can be cold. Which means visits to the park are few and far apart. Moreover, considering Sonny has pathetic immunity, I'm not willing to risk taking him out in the evenings and put him on one more bout of antibiotics for a cold and congestion he will catch (it's ok if i sound like a paranoid mom).

Here are things we've been doing in the evenings at home and might help you keep your li'l one entertained on cold winter evenings (P.S. My Sonny is a li'l over 3 years so do keep that in mind in terms of kind/level of activities)

1. Play pass the ball -- All forms of it still excite my Sonny. I thought they grow over it fast. But hell, no!!! Change the ball, (colour/size/type -- plastic, rubber, inflated etc). Play alternate days. If you have a long hall, sit on the floor at opposite ends and just roll the ball across back-and-forth. I didn't know kids can derive such fun out of such simple things. Tell her/him it has to come straight to mummy and watch them concentrate.
2. Dribble the ball -- Sonny loves it and can sometimes go up to 26 at a stretch when he's concentrating. I'm proud of him, and it gives them a sense of achievement. If they can't dribble, play bounce. You bounce the ball off the floor once and he/she catches it and then he/she bounces it off the floor once and you catch it. Needless to say, it improves their eye-hand co-ordination (realised Sonny's a bit slow on this too probably coz he doesn't play ball with the other kids at playschool!)
3. Honestly, he didn't know how to hop on one leg (wish i could find the link to a story on how most kids these days lack this "skill". Went back after reading and checked on Sonny -- of course he didn't!). So one evening we practised hopping on one leg. He really loved it! Now he can hop a few steps without falling down. We tried it with him holding one leg up, with me helping him by supporting him with one hand etc. Since he knows the rhyme "Hop a little, jump a little, skip a little.." he told me "Amma next we'll do 'skip'." And quickly followed it up with "What's skip?" Some games we played so naturally as kids just don't exist any more. I remember playing hopscotch where we'd draw these 7 squares and play what was called "bachcha"  doing all sort of combination hops, with a piece of stone placed on an outstretched hand, or on the head!
4. Paints/crayons/sketch pens -- the best forms of evening entertainment. When he's really bored with freehand painting and scribbling and scratching on white paper sheets, and is done with his numerous colouring books, we "finger print". Paint various colours on all finger tips -- all together or one by one and keep pressing it on plain paper. Random prints will do fine. Or draw an outline of something easy -- say a star fish and print within, if the child is older. Finger-print a border and it's good to go on display. Kids love to get their hands dirty. I think at least 80 per cent of them should!! Keep an old cloth handy to wipe away. Use water colours.
5. Make a slide indoors. The foam cushions we have on the sofa come in handy. As do the little diwan cushions. We throw in a teepoy/rectangular coffee table and we have our own slide! Make a path of small cushions and tell him those are the "steps" up the slide. Then create a tiered layer of cushions, where he can climb up and come "sit" at the head of the slide. The "slide" is a really tiny short legged side table we have that we slant against the tiered cushions and wedge against other cushions that are wedged against a wall (all this to make sure nothing slips out of place). It's not hurt-proof I agree, but he can't really harm himself much doing something like this. Besides, once they get a kick out of it, they love arranging the cushions themselves. Just make sure if you use a table/wooden board etc for the slide, that is one thing you, the parent, adds on.
6. One more good ol' simple game from the good ol' days. Snakes and ladders. By now they get a thrill in "winning", "getting there first", feel sorrow when "bitten by a snake" and have to slide down...I'm having a tough time teaching him it's fine to lose, but boy! Is that a tough lesson for these brats to learn?!! Working on it.
7. Puzzles are an alltime favourite. If your child likes puzzles, put the favourites away for a while and bring them out after a month or a few weeks. There is a thrill in being able to recall the puzzle and doing it instantly. By now, if your child can identify numbers, letters, there are many flash card games for the age group that combine a bit of learning too.
8. Books. Reading. Storytelling. Always wins hands down.
9. Sticker books!!! I love them. And so does Sonny. Those that leave a page blank for you to fill on your own and make your own story (I think Paragon books has a series on animals) are the best. Then there are those where you have to stick it in place -- a sort of fill in the blanks.
10. Play outdoor things indoors. Kids hate being told "not inside the house". But when u give in, they derive a vicarious pleasure from it.  A game of plastic bat and ball cricket inside is not too bad (stay away from the TV). Or teach them traffic rules -- you become traffic cop and they have to go around the dining table on their tricycle/push car/truck and follow your signals -- stop at red, go at green, no speeding etc
11. Ok....watch some TV. It's the laziest of things to do, and hence down on my list, but it can be a lifesaver sometimes, specially on days when u just want to plop down yourself, after a hard day's work outside ;-).

Rockstar: It's rocking...almost, till the heroine gets sick

I watched Rockstar on the day of its release and have been quite kicked about the movie.
One, because, damn, Ranbir Kapoor has grown up! He's put in some serious effort into his role and looks convincing, making the film an endearing watch.
Two, because A.R. Rahman's music is as much of the Rockstar as Ranbir is, needless to say. And yippeee Mohit Chauhan sounds suitably angsty for the Ranbir who looks suitably angsty.
Three, because, I'm happy with the kind of films that the Hindi film industry is coming up with. Honestly.
Ok so there's mindless mayhem like Dabanng that actually mints money....but there's all kinds of film co-existing, thank god.
If you guys have been switching channels this weekend, there were a whole lot of discussions on news channels on "Has Indian cinema come of age?" keeping in mind "The Dirty Picture", and and the Think Fest at Goa, with discussions on "The Changing Face of Bollywood". The discussions have been engrossing, open, throwing up frank opinions and opening up new threads of thought. It was great to hear Khushboo, Mahesh Bhat, Dibakar Banerjee, and Aamir Khan speak.

Hubby and me, both being avid moviegoers were feeling thrilled after watching the film that we're moviegoers at a time when Hindi cinema is going through such a gutsy phase. We just saw a few weeks ago the very unsettling "That Girl in Yellow Boots"... I couldn't sleep for much of the night. It's revolting, the end. But my point is, a cinema should leave you feeling something. If it's just popcorn-eating entertainment, it's fine, but only once in a way. I can't take too much of that kind of cinema. But I need it too!

Ok I'm veering off the Rockstar track. But if there's one thing I want to, in true Bollywood style declare, "I object My Lord!" in a court -- it's a protest against director Imtiaz Ali for making the heroine have a terminal bone marrow illness. I thought it was a Shah Rukh Khan thing to have his heroines dying of all sorts of diseases... I mean that track of the film has seriously maimed the rest of the story.

I mean, what's it with Hindi films in this aspect? You must have a dying heroine? Always? Bah!! Terminal illness. It has to be the only reason to accept a woman who loves someone outside her marriage?
The strong point however is the character of Ranbir; in fact all the effort seems to have gone into shaping him.
The fact that Nargis Fakhri can't act and look beyond her bee-stung lips makes Ranbir look even better (a deliberate pairing, I presume).
But the angst in Ranbir....aaah that's something I loved. The anger, the restlessness, the aimlessness...it's something a lot of us feel, even if we are not rockstars. His grungy air, his temper ufff it all fell neatly in place.
I don't want to sit here and tell the story. You must see it. And forgive Imtiaz Ali, lord, for his sin of dumping yet another terminal illness on yet another Hindi cinema heroine.

Mission Accomplished: Sonny's LKG admission done!

A quick post to say Hurraaaayyyy!
Sonny Boy is in! He's got admission in this one school I tried in.

Yeah, I know i gambled. But...what the hell!
I know I've ranted at length about this "education" worry  on my blog before when i posted Why Do We Parents Worry So Much About Our Children's Education?,  and then Admission Admission: I Didn't Do It... so this is where it conclusively concludes....for now!

The school is:
1. About half a kilometre from our place, as well as my parents' - sort of mid way between the two homes.
2. It's an SSLC syllabus-based school.
3. It's one of those old-fashioned schools -- no word "international" tucked in between ;-) So the fees doesn't give me a heart attack either; in fact it's super-reasonable and there are no deposits/donations.
4. It's in the heart of north Bangalore and it actually has a playground!
5. There's no worry of transport to school -- we can walk him or drop him off easily. Also means no transport costs.
6. The timings suits my lazy self and my work schedule -- it's 12 to 4.30 for LKG and they'll be graduating to a more "normal" morning schedule in UKG. Hope that works for the poor dear who loves to nap in the afternoon -- keeping my fingers crossed.

We had the "formal meeting" today with the Principal -- very sweet it was. They only asked Sonny one question -- "what is your name?" which he promptly and predictably didn't answer. They gave him a cchocolate and let him be after that reticent silence. They asked hubby and me a few questions about work, if we travel a lot on work, who takes care of the kid then, which playschool is he going to now etc. That was it. They also figured that some of my cousins had been to their school, many years ago. Some familiarity established. One of the interviewers, I guess the vice-principal, lives near my mom's place. More familiarity established. They handed us a slip with the his name and the word "admitted". SIMPLE. Done. In fact it was so fast, I still can't accept it.

So my worrying self is back to worrying....did i do right?

Learning to speak in English...

We are a nation obsessed with English. We are a nation obsessed with getting our kids to speak English, correct grammar and all, right from the beginning (yeah I swear on that by my Wren and Martin).
An English-medium education is what we all crave for our kids -- everyone wants it for their kids -- from the household help, the vegetable seller, the dhobi, your neighbour, YOURSELF (myself included), your neighbour, your cousins in small towns and villages. I'm not looking down upon anyone here, just saying that it's a universal aspiration.
There is pride and joy on our iron-man's face when he reminds me (each time i ask him how his daughters are doing) "Nan makkalu English-medium nalli odtaavre" (My kids study in English medium).

And I haven't been left behind either. I've joined the rat race too, in complete rat-like earnestness to get Sonny to understand some English before he takes those giant steps to "big boy's school" next academic year.

Honestly I hadn't realised how soon it begins till one day we were in an argument, Sonny and I, about some random thing. We were as usual talking in Kannada, our mother tongue. Then, in frustration, i cant remember on what issue, I screamed in English: "Where do you want me to be?" After a moment of silence he said "Here, at home." I was shocked.
a) I hadn't expected a reply to my rhetorical question
b) I hadn't expected him to really understand my question
c) I hadn't expected a reply in English.
d) I hadn't expected a completely coherent phrase/sentence.

It was then that it struck me that he'd told me a few days ago, some time post the Dasara vacation that his playhome teachers had been telling them all to converse in school only in English. So now it's "I want water" (of course, "please" is still a difficult word in his world). A sharp "Yah" (with a stress on the "h" sound) or a vehement head-nodding "No" to my questions. Sometimes a simple "Nice, I like" when he likes a dress I'm wearing. He's able to understand most of the questions I ask him in English. Sometimes replies in English, sometimes in Kannada, sometimes a mix of both languages...

I have a really failing memory, but what prompted me to write this post was a conversation I had last night with him, both of us sitting on the sofa, he was tracing lines on a work sheet his teacher had given. I wish I had immediately jotted it down then, but we spoke some four sentences, back and forth, Q and A, in complete coherence. I was quite amused...and well, happy.

I know of many Indian parents who straight away start talking to their kids in English only, since the child is born, so he/she picks up English well and early. I also know equally well of so many parents (like me and hubby) who insist on talking to the child only in our mother tongue at home, knowing that they will pick up English in school later anyway. And that they must know the language spoken by the family quite well.

We recently had some of hubby's guests from overseas home for dinner. After chatting them up with a few "Yah"s and "No"s he came beaming to me and said "Amma naanu avara jothey English-nalli maataadta iddeeni, with a twinkle in his eyes. (Mummy, I'm talking to them in English.) It's not like we've ever asked him to talk to anyone in English, but when we lapse into it in conversations at home, he joins us. I mean, I've had a really aggressive aunt of mine, a teacher, who has always insisted on speaking to him in English whenever she visited -- earlier he would look at her agog, wide eyed, but never understanding a word. I used to love watching them together.

I must also mention that Sonny's English has hit a high with his watching very seriously this channel called Cbeebies -- the BBC's children's channel. Saying he's addicted is an understatement. I like the channel too because there are no advertisements, the programmes are really short, and are really targeted at the pre-school age  group (at least most of those he likes watching).  Moreover, all these programmes have some form of learning woven into them -- concepts of colour, shapes, names of animals etc. There's also a show called "I can cook" which my Sonny watches like he's seriously gonna make the dish next at home! Many of the sentences are enunciated slowly, and I have often caught repeating these short sentences like "He has gone to bed", or "The sun has set" as he watches the show.

Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho...Jagjit Singh lives on in a smile

If you are an Indian, your music, specially your film music, is an inseparable part of your life, isn't it?
And so are the singers. And when one of these singers dies, it's as if someone in your own life has gone away. It's a voice that's been a part of your life, your growing up, your memories...

Jagjit Singh's voice was one that you came running from the kitchen, if you happened to hear it playing on TV, which was often. At least "Hosh walon ko khabar kya...." from the film Sarfarosh is a big thing on TV. He died this morning; may his soul rest in peace. May his music stir many more hearts and create in people who don't really appreciate ghazals a love for that genre of music.

For me, somehow, the songs that come instantly to my lips when I think Jagjit Singh are those from the films "Saath Saath" and "Arth". Incidentally, I discovered only today, that both were made in 1982. I don't know when exactly i got hooked to those songs, or why i bought the tape first, and then the CD...but somehow i listened to it a lot after i got married. Maybe because both movies have dealt intricately with relationships and it was a kind of Hindi cinema where the lyrics were actually meaningful, reflected the theme of the movie, made sense when heard individually too. I just can't put my finger on it. Maybe it was the perfect marriage of great lyricists like Kaifi Azmi and Javed Akhtar's words with the soulful voice of Jagjit Singh.

Even today, when I'm low, I reach out to this music. I cry sometimes listening to "Jhuki jhuki si nazar" and "Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho...".

Then there's the most hauntingly painfully truthful song from Arth:
"Koi ye kaise bataaye ke wo tanahaa kyon hai
wo jo apanaa thaa, wohee aur kisi kaa kyon hai
yahee duniyaan hain to fir, aisee ye duniyaan kyon hai?
yahee hotaa hain to, aakhir yahee hotaa kyon hai?"

There's a painful deliciousness to the lyrics...you sort of savour the pain in the words and when Jagjit Singh sang it, he added his own beautiful pain to it -- though, with the soothing balm of his timbre that was his trademark.

I HATE Sundays; it means so much more work!!!

Bah
I'm back from a Sunday, and actually feeling peaceful at work. ACTUALLY.

Despite the bitch of a boss and bummer colleagues who always dump me with work on go on vacations -- I've got loser written all over my forehead -- I'm just finally breathing deep in office.

It's a nasty thing to say, but come on, you MUST have felt it too... sometimes, ok...at least this one time....
You know, really, I must have said this several times on my blog, but almost on every Sunday I thank god that I don't stay at home everyday and can get away from it all by going to "work". I mean, really, office and its tensions are there too. But sometimes they seem minuscule. Women who stay at home all day, everyday, must be getting frustrated with all this at some point in time. I do it for just an entire day in a week, and I do!

Hubby came back from a  long tour, so it was good that we were all together at home after a real long time, when all of us had a holiday. But the day was so much slogging ......

There was and elaborate breakfast and lunch to be cooked (had to pamper hubby who hadn't had 'home food' in 10 days), there was the folding of the laundry, just some basic cleaning up in the kitchen, doing a check in the fridge to  put away old stuff, make space for more stuff, put away veggies and sorting greens for the next few days, li'l fellow's tantrums to tackle, lazy hubby to scream at, take Sonny to the park (raining, so run!), visit hubby's relatives (yes, that's slogging/task), come back to a lonely dinner with Sonny (hubby just fell asleep without dinner) and the worst part -- putting away all the leftovers/dishes after the Sunday dinner. That's really the worst thing.

After which.....aaargh...Sonny wanted to make a collage, so sat cutting coloured paper while half dozing off.
And in between all this, I was desperate, desperate to read -- while i couldn't get to read much of the morning's paper because Sonny sat on it, i so badly wanted to read this graphic novel my dad gifted me, Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist -- A Graphic Novel. I between all this, I managed to finish it. Yipeee!!!
But how hard i struggled (Apster., I promise I'll do that post on reading/books that you tagged me for. Promise :-*). And I felt so bad for myself. Didn't watch any TV, and really struggled to read the book (was feeding Sonny while reading a large part of it, or was cooking and reading).

Honestly, whoever was talking of Sunday as a holiday wasn't thinking of women like me....

When every sentence of the day begins with WHY?

Why should I pee?
Why is there sunlight in the morning?
Why should I brush my teeth?
Why can't I swallow the toothpaste?
Why should I drink milk?
Why hasn't the maid come in yet?
Why should I go to school?
Why does the earth shake when an elephant or dinosaur stomp about?
Why does an elephant have so much strength?
Why do I have to nap?
Why should I wash my hands after touching my bum?
Why does a plant need water?
Why can't I keep an elephant at home? A real live one??
Why did you just exclaim "Ayyo"?
Why did you just hit me?
Why did you not say "sorry"?
Why are you cooking?
Why are you not wearing bangles today?
Why are you wearing MY bangles today?
Why did you just call me a "bad boy"??
Why do you have to go to office now?
Why should we wear a different dress before we go to bed every night?
Why are you wearing a bindi?
Why did you just tell me not to do that?
Why should we pray before going to bed?
Why do we have bad dreams?
Why can i not put all my fingers in my mouth at once?
Why can I not watch my favourite elephant rhyme more again?
Why do people live below our house?
Why do you want to watch TV?
Why did the cat visit our house today?
Why doesn't a cat have a house of its own?
Why can't I stay with my grandfather?
Why should we not leave the tap running?
Why does daddy always watch TV?
Why do we have to put out a milk coupon in a bag every night?
Why is it dark at night?
Why can't I drink water soon after I have my homeopathic medicine?
Why should we sleep at night?

Intelligence: what can a 3-year-old understand?

Maybe intelligence is too loaded a word, maybe understanding is what I'm talking about -- not sure, though.

Sonny turend three years old recently and he leaves me befudled by his understanding or lack of it of many things around him. Ok, before anyone can pounce on me, i know "he's only 3!!!"

I'm looking at it in relative terms -- I'm not comparing him with other kids. I'm comparing it with his comprehension of various different things.

He asks me questions about death, my aunt who died, weather we'll all "go" one day too, and seems to be pretty calm and absorbent with the explanations offered.

He wants to know what happens to food once we put it in our mouth, how mosquitoes suck our blood, how water comes out in a tap, where from etc. He understands most of the answers given.

He's able to solve pretty complex jigzaw puzzles...he also seems to have a decent memory for names, things, incidents, people, places, images... 

He's figured out that the gate mustbe closed behind him, that after eating chocolate, the wrapper must be thrown in a dustbin...

But then seemingly simple things, he can't get. Each time I raise this, a very kind ol uncle of mine says that's how kids work. What's "seemingly simple" to us adults is not necessarily simple for kids. Hmmm plausible explanation.

But he can't seem to understand that i need to eat, to pee, -- basic things that others do too -- and he does too. Why is that unacceptable? Agreed, may be he thinks it takes away from the time spent with him, but honestly, a pee? And all the time I eat at home, I eat with him or soon after him, sometimes talking to him or while playing with him. He also doent allow any people into the house (maha-embarassing) and screams when I take a phone call at home -- even as I type all this out it's getting clearer that these may be "wanting attention" issues.

He can't seem to care for explanations when he wants his way -- a sort of blocking out of logic when he wants what he does. I'm tired now of tantrums. Screaming, crying bouts for "i don't want to eat this!" or "i want to go to grandpa's RIGHT NOW", "i don't want to sleep inside the mosquito net", or "i don't want to wash my hands before eating". No explanation is acceptable when he WANTS or doesn't want these things.

He doesn't want to understand the word "no". When it's bedtime he wants to colour. When it's time for dinner he doesnt want food, when it's time to play he's hungry -- just so disturbingly so. Is it his way of telling me he's The Boss? Gawwwdddd.....

I'm not really thinking this all out clearly maybe...maybe i'm mixing up issues. But i'm just TIRED. heeelllllpppppp

Do you still feel "at home" at your mother's home?

Mother's home. Mom's place. Tavaru maney... These are phrases that really hold a deep-rooted emotional umbrella of feelings over your heart. They shade your heart from the rest of the world.

Yet, its so ironical how you feel so out of place in this same home you grew up in all your life, once you move out and have your "own" life. The umbilical cord connecting you to that distinct world "before marriage" gets stretched and strained in unimaginable ways.

No, I'm not in distress or anything...I just got thinking about it a few days ago, when I made a comment to an aunt of mine. I was visiting her. Hubby was on tour as usual. "So will you stay back at mom's tonight?" she asked casually. "No, I'm going back...I just feel more comfortable there...." without realising the horror of what has just escaped my lips. But my aunt, a decade older than me, completely identified with that and said she feels the same way too...we swept over the issue with an understanding smile for each other.

But, it is true...for me at least. maybe it is too for some other women.

My mom has always been a very strict disciplinarian, and post-marriage, the freedom from that I guess makes me feel this way. Even now when I go back to mom's I hate being whipped by her -- put the glass away after drinking tea- don't let it dry up, don't enter kitchen till you've brushed your teeth, "go, go have a bath fast", make the bed as soon as you get up, don't keep the oily ladle on the kitchen counter, don't drop food on the stove while serving yourself dinner....

I know, small things...still, no one tells you that in your home! (It's a different matter that you're saying all that to husband and child perhaps, in your own role as mother...) Sometimes I feel miserable that I take this home, these people and their presence in my life for granted. My friend who recently lost her mother always points out in times of distress "But at least you have a 'mom's home' to go to....." Oh how miserable I feel for her at such times.

I don't know if it's age, but every conversation with the parents is no longer a conversation -- it's an argument, very often a fight. Because we disagree on most things. How and when did I grow so different from them, and they from me?

I don't like being told what to do. I never liked it, but I was never so vehement in protesting either, earlier. Perhaps then, I didn't have some place to "escape" to. No "escaping to husband's" when parents piss you off.

But it's amazing how I'll still run to mom's when I'm sick, when things aren't smooth with the in-laws or hubby, when I'm just feeling low, when I don't feel like cooking. It's still a place I go to seeking solace, comfort, food, love, and the familiarity of all things childhood and growing-up. But then, there's a point when I want to return.

Whenever I point out to mom "My pollen allergy always gets triggered in YOUR house," in between my allergic sneezing bouts, it gets her all teary. "MY house..? You grew up perfectly fine here all these years..."

This thing of yours and mine, mom's and mine, parent's and husband's ... how easily we cross over, leaving behind more than two decades of what shaped us. How casually we sift and separate, distinguish and compartmentalise. How foolishly we claim what we have now is ours.

Vegetarian avocado recipe - a simple sandwich spread

I'm really excited. Today's the first time I made something with avacado (butter fruit) at home. It took me five minutes to make, that's the best part of it...

And what a day to make it. It is Varamahalakshmi pooja today. We don't do an elaborate pooja, so I had time on my hands. But this is the fastest thing to make.

A colleague had given me a ripe avacado from her friend's garden. So I couldn't keep it a day longer -- it was RIPE.

I've eaten avacados at restaurants and at friend's places, but never made it myself.

Didn't know it was this simple.

Here's what I did:

1. Halve the avacado

2. Discard the seed and the brown skin around it if it's stuck to the pulp

3. Scoop out the fruit/pulp with a sharp steel spoon

4. I mashed it with the spoon once -- it was easy and smooth

5. Add salt to taste, a pinch of sugar, some fresh ground pepper, finely chopped fresh coriander (kothambri), squeeze in a dash of lime (all this to take away it's slightly bitter after-taste).

You can add mashed green chillies for fire. I didn't because I was hoping to con Sonny Boy into eating it. You can also add in some mashed garlic pods and finely chopped raw onion for crunch (these two elements were a no-no today, it being a festival)

6. I also added some fresh cream (it was around in the fridge), and grated in some cheese - just for effect :-)

7. Spread this on a slice of bread, top it with finely chopped capsicum/green bell pepper and finely chopped ripe tomatoes. You can use any other vegetable/greens of your choice. This is just what I quickly did. I think boiled potato will work well.

8. I sprinkled some more salt

9. I closed it with one more slice of bread, also spread with the avacado mix on the inside

10. Toast it in one of those plug-in electric toasters/sandwich grills

I LOVED THE RESULT. Had a yummy breakfast...with tomato ketchup

I guess you can use your imagination and add anything to the avacado mash -- garam masala, dhania/jeera powder and turmeric, maybe chopped spinach, olives, ajwain....i don't know -- i'm going to try other combos soon

Avacados apparently consist of "good fat", multi-vitamins, specially Vitamin K and folate. It's high calorie, yes, but worth its weight in nutrition too, so it's fine i guess.

The birthday blues...not so blue after all

Each year, Sonny Boy's birthday brings on the worries. I know it's hardly the feeling to be associated with birthdays, specially of your child.

But only a mother like me who has an extensive web of relatives and friends living around, and who are more enthusiastic about your son's birthday than you are, (and whose parents pressure her into throwing a party

;-)) -- will know what I mean. And specially an Indian mother who has her child's birthday bang in the middle on the Monsoons, when the party surely gets rained out. And specially so when your own birthday is a few days apart from your child's, and you well, end up slogging on your own birthday :-( because the party inevitably happens a few days after his date...

After last year's experience, I learnt a few lessons.

I also spent a good month wondering what would make Sonny really happy -- I mean what kind of party....

So I ended up throwing two parties!!!!!

One to please my parents and all of Sonny Boy's grandparents/ great-grandparents (he has many!).

Then another one so that he's surrounded by kids and behaves like one! -- This one was for the limited number of friends he has -- apartment kids, my best friend's kid, my nieces and nephews. Of course, my own cousins were on the list too.

We decided

1. No party in a hotel or hired hall, no theme, no magicians, no "activities", no games

2. It has to be indoors (rain can't spoil all the fun, just some!)

3. No extravagant stuff

4. No exotic menu

5. No return gifts (kids these days who come to parties EXPECT  them!)

6. Menu would be good ol' cake-chips-juice-sandwich kind of stuff

Yeah I'm one mean money-saving mum, but damn, have you checked out what birthdays outside the home cost these days?!

Well, we pretty much stuck to the plan and it was fun to see Sonny and the kids hide under the bed and play, dance to rhymes on the DVD...they even opened some presents and played with the toys....

But damn, like every year, I promise myself, yet again, I'm not doing a party next year. :-)

Posted a fairly quick breakfast recipe here: for protein freaks

 

Posted this at my other blog.....

My attempt to lose weight and get healthy

Mr. Rules - Everything must be just so

Sonny Boy rules my life (no, I'm NOT proud of it). He has rules for everything. He has rules for every ritual in his life  -- each activity in his everyday life is a ritual. I'm not joking, its FRUSTRATING. Here's what's pissing me off these days...I just endured an episode early this morning, at about 4.30 a.m.

1. Mummy must never pee. He seems to have SOMETHING against it. I have talked it out with him, tried reasoning with him, always keep the bathroom door open lest he thinks I'm going to get sucked down the commode...I've told him I can't pee where I stand in the house, or in a diaper like him at night...I've pointed out that he pees! And waste must go out of the body or we'll be ill blah blah....he listens with big eyes and then weeps to say "You must not do soosoo"!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. His nose must be wiped in the precise strokes he specifies -- it must be pressed hard with a kerchief and you must wok on it from top to nose tip -- the hanky must never be inserted in the nostril. We've tried telling him he can please wipe his own nose whichever way he likes, but no. WE must only do it, and it can only be done HIS way, or there's more tears and snot.

3. Now that Bangalore's getting colder, he pees himself silly through the night. However thick the diaper, he leaks out the front from top (aaargh the boy thing!). He's smart enough to wake me in the middle of the night most of the time and tell me "I've done susoo", which usually indicates his diaper is FULL. But then, I'm supposed to change him without switching on the lights! Bleary-eyed blimey me... If I switch on even like a night lamp he'll wail like a banshee and wake up the entire apartment. I cannot wash hands, throw soiled diaper in dustbin, basically get out of his radar....Oh and yes, it must be his brand of diaper or he has issues with that.....I know a whole lot of parents are nodding their heads as they read this, thinking I'm this loser complying to his every demand. But really....it's really challenging to put up with his tantrums at the end of a long working day.

4. He has a set order in which things must happen -- saying goodbye to my parents every night is done in a particular order and way, if its sandals he's wearing, only he must put them on -- any attempt to help buckling up results in a tantrum, dinner must be served in an order -- chapati first, rice later. If it's a holiday, by noon he has to be at his grandparents', there must be just that amount of toothpaste on his brush, the water to rinse his mouth must be put into mouth in that one same direction/angle always

I've considered if he suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)... is it possible to have a child checked for it? I wonder sometimes if it's a sign of anything else...don't want to take names unnecessarily...I wonder if its just me who needs to see a therapist, giving in, as I am, to most of his stupid "rules". Anybody out there with an insistent child like this? He'll be three next month -- I can't even blame it on the Terrible Twos anymore....

Celebrating my 100th post...with a vacation

It feels wonderful to celebrate landmarks. And this, officially, and finally, is my 100th post! (I had counted it wrong earlier hehehehhe).

I was reading some of the first few posts I had written over a year ago, and was thinking, damn, did I write all this? But then, isn't that the point of blogging? To be able to put down in words all that you feel in that moment -- capture your moment, your thoughts -- sometimes it's an instant reaction to a situation, sometimes some long-boiling angst that finally brims over. Sometimes a joy that must be shared, sometimes something you just want to tell the world, or just yourself. It's ironic you can do all these diverse things in one space. There's anonymity, there's companionship and camaraderie. There's a singular line of thought -- yours-- and a collective reading and identifying with -- through others.

I've enjoyed this space much more than I thought I would, made more friends that I ever thought I could on the web, I've said things that would otherwise be harakiri, and gotten away with it. And all this while it's been my little private hidden secret (at least I think it still is, except if office spy ware is blipping every word to the BOSS).

I was away on a week's vacation (almost) and it co-incided with what would be my 100th post. I thought I'll blog leisurely on vacation. But Ma Nature decided it was time for a break -- even from blogging and connectivity etc. This one picture, hopefully will be the picture postcard of my secret vacation spot amidst the mountains and clouds, rolling estates and beautiful skylights.

I took this picture myself, haven't touched it up or anything, so its real light, real beauty, real colours etc. Feeling pretty proud of it. It was the view from the bungalow we stayed in ....aaah to watch the clouds pass by in a tableaux as you sip hot morning tea...that's a vacation. And that's celebration.

I must stop gloating to thank all the people who bother to read my ramblings, all fellow-mums who stop by to share, advise, rant, appreciate, identify and disagree. When I started writing this blog, I was naive about the world of blogs...didn't know so many people really interacted in such a space. I was initially writing more for myself, then a bit of consciousness crept in -- ummm... "someone may be reading, so be responsible about what you say" kind.  It made me feel good about my writing. I've stood exposed sometimes, vindicated on others, and overall it's been a most fruitful experience.
THANKS EVERYBODY.

Of course I came back from the mountains and clouds with a thud -- on our return both Sonny Boy and me have been sick as sick can be...but we're slowly boing-ing back into action....so more posts will follow in quicker succession.

Tagged: Five things motherhood/parenthood has taught me

Aparna of Adventures In Mommyland tagged me and threw this challenge in my face and others' -- to list five things we've learnt from motherhood (parenthood, I'm adding, so that dads don't feel left out). Two more friends and mommy bloggers she tagged have given enthusiastic responses:
Uma of My Musings has already posted
Aparna of Life As a Mom also has!! (enthu cutlets all)
So I must hurry up and rustle up my own and not bore you guys ;-)


There are, as all mommy bloggers point out, SO MANY things we learn. Here's hoping I can figure five out to share.

1. Your child makes sure you acknowledge so many things/people you would have otherwise ignored -- You life is divided into perspectives pre-parenthood, and post-child (PR and PC). Your eyes look at every single thing in the world, even the most simplest, in a complicated way.
I mean who would have thought that leaving a knife on the dining table casually after cutting an apple can be dangerous- in your heydays as a couple you always did it. Who would have thought little people need you to change your furniture so they don't bump their heads? Who would have thought that chatty aunt you didn't really like would turn out to be your child's best play companion? Who would have thought you will be so nanny-dependent that you want to frame their photos and pray to them? Who would have thought you would decide a vacation spot after checking if there's a swing and slide around and if they have curd-rice on offer!

2. That there can be many million kinds of mothers -- the beating kind, the yelling kind, the showering-with-love-and-food kind, the cribbing kind (me me me), the rational kind, the unreasonable kind, the very practical kind, the lost kind, the I'm-in-charge-and-everything-is-fine kind, my-kid's-the-centre-of-my-universe kind,  --  the list is endless. And very often we are all these or some of these at various challenging stages of our child. But one factor unites us all in purpose -- our child.

3. That you must make decisions for your child (you can't always leave these decisions to husband/grandparents and hope you can blame them later in life), be responsible for them, be answerable to the world about them, seem like you know everything, seek advise like you know nothing, be able to ignore advise, and hope and pray frantically that you did things right for that one being you added to this world. Even if it meant you stuck out like a sore thumb among other "better" mothers who got it right "better".

4. The acceptance that "comparison" is going to be the hallmark of your life from the day your child is born -- starting with whether your child's nose looks like your grandfather's or hubby's aunt's, to was he breast-fed or bottle-fed, to comparing your parenting styles with your parents', which school does neighbour's cousin's child go to, what are you doing for your child's birthday this year, which is your kid's favourite TV show, does he eat vegetables --ayyoo mine just doesn't etc. And this is just the BEGINNING.  

5. It has opened my eyes to my many million limitations -- your way of dealing with your child, really is a good way of figuring out your own faults -- yes, our abilities too -- but those we are far more willing to point out to, accept and bask in the glory of. It is your failings that your child holds a mirror to. And I'm not complaining about it or making it a negative mark -- but honestly, where else will you find such a good critic, who'll show you your faults, not in malice, but in all innocence, without ever pointing fingers at you, but with a warm smile and hug?

Hmm now to tag some others to join in and be challenged:
I tag
Garima (who's been tagged already, but I hope two tags means more pressure to write fast!)
Spicy Sweet (my new friend on this blog)
Crabby Mommy (whom I haven't said hello to in a while)
Naveen Bachwani (I've added a doting dad, to be fair and not make it an all-mom list) 

A celebration of my child and my motherhood

Wow! I'm inching towards 100 posts...and to think that a few days after I started this blog, I had that oh-my-God-what-will-i-write-here-everyday-moment!

I decided today I will NOT do what I always do on this blog -- crib, complain and whine.

Instead I will celebrate the reason for this blog -- Sonny Boy and motherhood -- two things that sent my life, body, being, existence into a tizzy, and have after a point become one inseparable blob.

After another month, Sonny Boy turns three. And as much as I, a mean mother, paint a picture of him as being this little terror, he's really not. Well, not always ;-) Here are things about him at this stage that I've observed, and mostly love :-)

*He's got the sweetest smile ever -- something I'd like to believe he inherited from me.

*He's right now on a "story high" -- voraciously flipping through books, telling himself stories, concocting stories for us, constantly badgering us to tell him stories (without looking in the book, he warns!), or sometimes insisting on being read to, in English, and asking for word meanings in Kannada. His hot favourite story is "The Billy Goats Gruff", (I think Ladybird reader series), which only last night he, me and my parents had to enact, with his directions! Of course I get to play the troll (Rakshasa in his understanding) because I have that laugh!

*He talks endlessly and LOUDLY (is is something to do with their generation? he almost screams, he just can't talk soft!). (I'm not cribbing, just amused)

* He's started humming and singing to himself as he plays, or talks to himself, something that amuses us all to no end.

*He's told me I talk too much!

*He's comfy staying overnight with my parents (or rather my dad), and does it every time Hubby travels, which is turning out to be pretty often. He's also Ok with travelling to Hubby's parents' town and staying there with daddy -- that's a lot of growing up he's done this year.

*He challenges my creativity -- what can we do next is constantly on his mind -- so I go back from work to dribble the ball with him in my parents' garden, put together five or six jigsaw puzzles, then off home for dinner, then more games, building blocks, colouring, read storybook "Polar bear polar bear what do you hear? in bed, and THEN, sleep! God give me strength, energy and patience to deal with him.

*My levels of patience have definitely gone up a few hundred notches, though I admit, I still have a loooong way to go.

*He loves playing "homeopathy doctor" at home, dishing out "sugar pills" to us patients and telling us the rules we must follow when taking the medicine.

*His questions these days -- how does the mosquito suck blood? , how does the fan get switched on?, where does the water in the tap come from?, where does food go after it enters our mouth....these are answers I can tell in my sleep now, because I must've told them at least 20 times over.

*He's beginning to pick up some English while talking (otherwise restricted to rhymes and starting stories with 'Once upon a time'). An the smatterings of English in between Kannada is really fun to listen to. He also sings copious amounts of rhymes in Hindi, a hot favourite being "Saari duniya gol gol" as the playschool is teaching them concepts of the circle.

*He decides what he's going to have for dinner...and of course changes his choice midway!

*He loves the story of "Hanuman: The Monkey God" as he says it, repeating it for effect, and I guess this book is from the stables of Amar Chitra Katha. He has this story read to him at least once a day.

*He stumped me by showing interest, and in actually doing and completed three pieces of coloured sand art -- you know the DIY kinds where you sprinkle this coloured sand on sticky paper with a numbered design... out emerges a colourful bee, a butterfly or snail.

*I love the cuddling and snuggling soon after he wakes up, I love the way he reminds me every night to keep  the milk coupon and bag outside, I love the way he asks if we are all "real"!!!!

*I love the way he tries to soothe me if I'm in pain, rubs my tum and tells me I'll be ok soon. I really get ok instantly with that innocent reassurance.

* I love the way he brokers deals and puts conditions -- ending most of his propositions with "Ok naa?" (Is it ok?) I love his enthusiasm for putting up the mosquito net every night.

* I love the way he's decided he can make his own decisions -- what he will wear to school, what he wants in his lunchbox (he's pretty reasonable), how much he will eat, when he wants an eggroll for dinner, that he will participate with dad in Sunday pooja and be the bell-ringer during aarti, that I must go home while he stays with my parents, I love the way he asks if the maid and nanny have been given their breakfast, Oh god...I love him.

Hmmm.....about this post celebrating my motherhood, I'll do it another time I guess. I'm exhausted now ;-)