Mum has cancer...our world has fallen apart

This post will perhaps be my last...or my last in a long time. Or maybe I'll be writing more to spill out that whole gamut of emotions I'm going through....life's gone topsy turvy.

After much running around in circles, mom was finally diagnosed end of last month as having lung cancer. In an advanced stage, but with fairly positive prognosis.
Today we came back home from her first chemotherapy. She looks so frail and vulnerable....and to think she has to go through this five times all over again is plain depressing.
 Each day I leave home with great apprehension, thinking "how will she be today?"
My mum's being the brave soldier for most part. Really really brave and practical, with a stoic approach to the whole thing. That has helped. But she's weak and exhausted already. Some days i just feel miserable for her and break down in the bathroom.

Mums really hold the key to you life, I swear. Without them, you're bloody hell LOST!!! You dont realise the value of a person till they sort of go missing-in-action. I realise how much my mum was doing around the house for my Sonny, for me, for dad, for the household. She still tries, when she's still feeling ok, to do so many things around her, but age is not exactly on her side...she's past 70.

Suddenly equations around home have changed. Dad is so lost around home, mum has to tell him how to do each thing. I've had to re-learn to re-live in my parents home, the way they like it. Mum has become extra touchy about everything.

What's scary is logistics, liogistics, logistics.

The worst sufferer in all this, though, i feel is Sonny Boy. It's beginning to show and that's making me feel worse. He's emotionally distraught that I'm never there -- he was even telling the maid "my mum's always in the hospital". I feel guilty not being around him. When I'm not in hospital, I have to be at work...ugh.

I understand that what my mum must be going through is plain hell -- physically, emotionally....she worries so much...for us! So typical of mums, huh?

I'm trying too to put on a brave face, though its getting increasingly testing. It's turning out to be a logistical nightmare for me. Running two households (I've moved into mum's place temporaily), keeping the job (need the money for her treatment), the hospital rounds, staying overnight at hospital (the worst scene i swear), keeping constant tabs on mom, trying to look after the lil fella.......... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And the financial blow...gawd. Any of you out there with parents like me who dont have medical insurance/coverage, go get them covered today. I mean it. It's one of the biggest mistakes i ever made in life....bearing the brunt now.

The hubby dear has been super-supportive, touch wood. But has to travel soon, so not a good scene.

Ok all this is just one mad outporing, and an explanation for why I've not been here/will not be here on this space for some time at least....dunno how things will turn out. Those of you who believe in the power of prayer, please pray for my mum.

Angelina Jolie on the Importance of Being A Parent

Hi guys,
I'm back
Quick explanation for not being here for well over a month: Just didn't feel like blogging.
Quick explanation for suddenly making a comeback: reading Angelina Jolie's statement in the newspaper today morning!

OOOkay.....so I'm sure we all read/heard/saw Angelina Jolie's statement about Everything important in life being related only to parenthood. You haven't? Ok. It's still ok. There, now we all know it, and most of us have probably run the statement in our minds over and over in a loop like a tape in our little heads.

C'mon, you must have asked yourself "Really?? Hmmmm....." at least.

It's great if she feels that way, I mean, great for her kids too!!! It's also fine if there are other women who share her views. As far as they really believe so, deep within their heart and are happy with the way it is.
But damn! Does it put pressure on women like me who don't think so or feel that way.

I have nothing against parenthood. I have nothing against Angelina Jolie. I don't want to be judgemental about anybody coz I hate being judged.

But, honestly, saying just one aspect of life is all-important is, I think, a rather simplistic view of your own life. Can we, women, complex as we are, be defined by just our motherhood/parenthood? I mean why leave the men out...ok we humans are complex creatures, so surely our progeny can't be our only "important' aspect of our life. And honestly I also take offence on behalf of all those people I know who can't have kids for various reasons or have chosen not to. I mean, they all have various aspects of their lives, apart from parenthood, that they are involved in and are happy with, and they are important too.

What irritates me about Miss Jolie is that when SHE says such things the world will sit up and take notice. It only reinforces  a stereotype, what Indian society has been saying all along to its women -- get married, have children, care for them... that's your purpose in life. If you have a career, put it on a backburner; have no interests of your own; self-sacrifice. You interest lies solely in your family. Etc Etc Etc.

No, no don't jump on me yet.
Agreed, our children, our family are important to us. They are  a crucial aspect of our life.
BUT, they are not the be-all and end-all of our universe. An individual can't exist like that. At some point there is an individuality, some aspect of us cut off from our relationship with anyone else except ourselves that needs to exert itself.

I'm not saying every woman must concentrate only on career, or that we must neglect one to uphold another aspect of life. We do some great balancing acts around here and I think we should pat our backs ourselves for that.

But there's a need for all of us to acknowledge that we do have our individuality, that we do sometimes strive to achieve things other than making babies, feeding them, raising them well. That too. But, note it's THAT TOO.

We have aspirations to learn something new, challenge ourself on skills yet to be learnt or master those we already know, learn a new language, a dance, go climb a hill or mountain by ourselves, learn karate....i don't know what else....FOR OURSELVES. Not for our spouses. Not for our parents. Not for our kids. And yes, these things are important too.

You can't nullify all other aspects of life and say all that's important is related to parenthood. The rest is, well, nothing? Doesn't work like that, right? Ok I think I've said too much, all in a rush, a flood of thoughts unleashes...what are you people thinking out there???? I'm sure there are MANY counter-views....

Do you still feel "at home" at your mother's home?

Mother's home. Mom's place. Tavaru maney... These are phrases that really hold a deep-rooted emotional umbrella of feelings over your heart. They shade your heart from the rest of the world.

Yet, its so ironical how you feel so out of place in this same home you grew up in all your life, once you move out and have your "own" life. The umbilical cord connecting you to that distinct world "before marriage" gets stretched and strained in unimaginable ways.

No, I'm not in distress or anything...I just got thinking about it a few days ago, when I made a comment to an aunt of mine. I was visiting her. Hubby was on tour as usual. "So will you stay back at mom's tonight?" she asked casually. "No, I'm going back...I just feel more comfortable there...." without realising the horror of what has just escaped my lips. But my aunt, a decade older than me, completely identified with that and said she feels the same way too...we swept over the issue with an understanding smile for each other.

But, it is true...for me at least. maybe it is too for some other women.

My mom has always been a very strict disciplinarian, and post-marriage, the freedom from that I guess makes me feel this way. Even now when I go back to mom's I hate being whipped by her -- put the glass away after drinking tea- don't let it dry up, don't enter kitchen till you've brushed your teeth, "go, go have a bath fast", make the bed as soon as you get up, don't keep the oily ladle on the kitchen counter, don't drop food on the stove while serving yourself dinner....

I know, small things...still, no one tells you that in your home! (It's a different matter that you're saying all that to husband and child perhaps, in your own role as mother...) Sometimes I feel miserable that I take this home, these people and their presence in my life for granted. My friend who recently lost her mother always points out in times of distress "But at least you have a 'mom's home' to go to....." Oh how miserable I feel for her at such times.

I don't know if it's age, but every conversation with the parents is no longer a conversation -- it's an argument, very often a fight. Because we disagree on most things. How and when did I grow so different from them, and they from me?

I don't like being told what to do. I never liked it, but I was never so vehement in protesting either, earlier. Perhaps then, I didn't have some place to "escape" to. No "escaping to husband's" when parents piss you off.

But it's amazing how I'll still run to mom's when I'm sick, when things aren't smooth with the in-laws or hubby, when I'm just feeling low, when I don't feel like cooking. It's still a place I go to seeking solace, comfort, food, love, and the familiarity of all things childhood and growing-up. But then, there's a point when I want to return.

Whenever I point out to mom "My pollen allergy always gets triggered in YOUR house," in between my allergic sneezing bouts, it gets her all teary. "MY house..? You grew up perfectly fine here all these years..."

This thing of yours and mine, mom's and mine, parent's and husband's ... how easily we cross over, leaving behind more than two decades of what shaped us. How casually we sift and separate, distinguish and compartmentalise. How foolishly we claim what we have now is ours.

Tagged: Five things motherhood/parenthood has taught me

Aparna of Adventures In Mommyland tagged me and threw this challenge in my face and others' -- to list five things we've learnt from motherhood (parenthood, I'm adding, so that dads don't feel left out). Two more friends and mommy bloggers she tagged have given enthusiastic responses:
Uma of My Musings has already posted
Aparna of Life As a Mom also has!! (enthu cutlets all)
So I must hurry up and rustle up my own and not bore you guys ;-)


There are, as all mommy bloggers point out, SO MANY things we learn. Here's hoping I can figure five out to share.

1. Your child makes sure you acknowledge so many things/people you would have otherwise ignored -- You life is divided into perspectives pre-parenthood, and post-child (PR and PC). Your eyes look at every single thing in the world, even the most simplest, in a complicated way.
I mean who would have thought that leaving a knife on the dining table casually after cutting an apple can be dangerous- in your heydays as a couple you always did it. Who would have thought little people need you to change your furniture so they don't bump their heads? Who would have thought that chatty aunt you didn't really like would turn out to be your child's best play companion? Who would have thought you will be so nanny-dependent that you want to frame their photos and pray to them? Who would have thought you would decide a vacation spot after checking if there's a swing and slide around and if they have curd-rice on offer!

2. That there can be many million kinds of mothers -- the beating kind, the yelling kind, the showering-with-love-and-food kind, the cribbing kind (me me me), the rational kind, the unreasonable kind, the very practical kind, the lost kind, the I'm-in-charge-and-everything-is-fine kind, my-kid's-the-centre-of-my-universe kind,  --  the list is endless. And very often we are all these or some of these at various challenging stages of our child. But one factor unites us all in purpose -- our child.

3. That you must make decisions for your child (you can't always leave these decisions to husband/grandparents and hope you can blame them later in life), be responsible for them, be answerable to the world about them, seem like you know everything, seek advise like you know nothing, be able to ignore advise, and hope and pray frantically that you did things right for that one being you added to this world. Even if it meant you stuck out like a sore thumb among other "better" mothers who got it right "better".

4. The acceptance that "comparison" is going to be the hallmark of your life from the day your child is born -- starting with whether your child's nose looks like your grandfather's or hubby's aunt's, to was he breast-fed or bottle-fed, to comparing your parenting styles with your parents', which school does neighbour's cousin's child go to, what are you doing for your child's birthday this year, which is your kid's favourite TV show, does he eat vegetables --ayyoo mine just doesn't etc. And this is just the BEGINNING.  

5. It has opened my eyes to my many million limitations -- your way of dealing with your child, really is a good way of figuring out your own faults -- yes, our abilities too -- but those we are far more willing to point out to, accept and bask in the glory of. It is your failings that your child holds a mirror to. And I'm not complaining about it or making it a negative mark -- but honestly, where else will you find such a good critic, who'll show you your faults, not in malice, but in all innocence, without ever pointing fingers at you, but with a warm smile and hug?

Hmm now to tag some others to join in and be challenged:
I tag
Garima (who's been tagged already, but I hope two tags means more pressure to write fast!)
Spicy Sweet (my new friend on this blog)
Crabby Mommy (whom I haven't said hello to in a while)
Naveen Bachwani (I've added a doting dad, to be fair and not make it an all-mom list) 

Must I be judged for being a mom who works outside?

It really hurts when you're judged as a mother, when the people judging you are your own -- friends you grew up with, spent the most beautiful years of your life with, and are fellow moms themselves.

Met up with college friends over the weekend...it's s close-knit group of about eight. I took Sonny Boy to the meet since a friend had landed from the U.S. and hadn't seen him; every one wanted to see everyone else's kids. And we all hope that our kids, like us, will be friends too. Moreover three other kids were coming along. I didn't realise he would be the youngest and get bored...he did. The older kids left out this bachcha. So he got irritable and clingy.

My friends immediately started saying "It's ok, poor thing, it's probably because you are never there with him", "He rarely gets time with you, so obviously he'll cling to you", "All he wants is your attention when you ARE around"  and other variations of it! I mean, come on, he's not even three and the place was unfamiliar and so were most of the people... But my friends made it a point to tell me how it happens to kids of mums who're away at work.

I left the get together depressed and came home almost in tears. It's like you can never do anything right if you're a mom who goes to work. You must be made to feel guilty for it. One of them asked me "Looks like you're really enjoying your job," making it sound like an accusation. Like she almost wanted me to admit that I was working because I had to, not because I wanted...

On returning home, I put Sonny to sleep and spent the afternoon furiously digging mud, re-potting and doing some gardening simply to work off my anger and frustration in a constructive way. All the while, I sat wondering what it was about the noon that really pissed me off.

I love my friends. We've been in touch 12 bloody years, which is a difficult thing, and we do form a good supportive network for each other  -- whether it's during a divorce, death or birth in the family. They are people I look to for help/advise/fun.

What struck me later while I was thinking, as I sat breaking down hard mud was that all of the moms in our group are stay-at-home-mums. I have nothing against SAHMs or my friends who are SAHMs. But I thought it was unfair of them to kind of pity me and my child -- Sonny for not having mum around, and me, for not being around. I even considered their statements in the light that at least three of them had tried to kickstart their career after having children and hadn't really gotten far successfully for various reasons. I'm not trying to be mean here; I appreciate the efforts they have made, but were they holding it against me that I was working while they were not? Yeah, now I sound like the mean b****, but then that thought did occur, frankly.

They asked me why I fed him first and ate later; a bad idea, they pointed out. They asked me if I travel with him a lot and when I said no, they described how they were so often on the road with their kids, and how I shouldn't worry about food and such things etc. I guess they were trying to egg me on, encourage me, but somehow I ended up feeling belittled, I don't know why.

Like I didn't have enough people around me --  starting with old people in my apartment to random aunts who I meet at "family gatherings" -- who judge me for how my child behaves, eats, pulls up his t-shirt to reveal his tummy etc, now I had my friends looking at me with a magnifying glass.

I've never been so uncomfortable at a gathering with friends and never felt more like getting out of there fast as I did yesterday. Maybe I need to take some time to think deep about this, look at myself more objectively...maybe all that I'm saying here is an instant reaction to the whole incident. I don't know. But it's left me shaken and questioning myself.

I also had a mom who worked and I didn't turn out too bad. Ok, so I was and am an attention-seeking person, but maybe that's my personality type. I don't think I should blame my mum for it....I don't know...but damn! Being a mom is not easy.

Does a second child make your first one happier?

It's crazy that I'm even thinking about it. And those who know me and how I protest a second child will sadistically say "Aaah see, we knew you would come around to this..."

My point is, does having a second child benefit the older one, and, eventually the second child too? I'm beginning to think my little fella is lonely. When I say benefit, I mean from the company.

Two things happened yesterday. It was Ugadi, we were all at home. Suddenly Sonny said "Where's my tamma paapa (younger brother/baby)?" He has a doll that he calls that -- TP -- I'll call him. But he doesn't play with that doll all the time. He just lies around the house randomly mostly. But suddenly Sonny's love for TP overflows. Yesterday he held him and brought him on teh bike to my parents' place. There he put him on his lap and put him to bed. On teh bike, he held his hand on his head saying "Otherwise the sun will hit him hard on the head!"!!!! I was a Melting Mommy.

I asked him "So do you really want a TP (younger brother)? A real one? Not this doll..." And he promptly said "No, I want this doll TP ONLY." I was in splits.

Later in the evening I took him to my best friend's place. She too has an only child -- a daughter -- and after their usual measuring up of each other, trying to snatch toys from each other routine, they were both jumping around in the apartment courtyard so happily together.

I was honestly happy to see him play WITH SOMEONE HIS OWN AGE.
It's such a frustrating life. I can't take him to playgroup because I'm hardly ever home. My parents refuse to; they prefer the arrangement of a nanny/maid to that of day care/play group.
I've only seen Sonny play with older folk.
I'm feeling guilty that I'm killing his childhood by dumping him with adults all day long.

There are some older kids in our apartment but he's barely there. And there are no kids around where my folks stay -- which is where he is most of the time.

At the cost of sounding stupid and crazy i feel like having a second child so that my first has company!! But it doesn't sound right at all. That messes up my mind further.

Sonny's going through a phase where he's being so difficult and stubborn and cranky and headstrong. And like in India everyone says to anyone who's a bit "off the track" in adult years -- "shaadi kara do, sab theek ho jaayega", now everyone says to me "have another baby, he'll become ok". I'm actually giving it some thought now. Should I, would I, could I? Do I really want to? Ufffffffff

Don't you miss your child and want him away -- all at the same time?

I thought I was incapable of an emotion like "missing" my son when all I wanted was him off my hands at various points in the day/week...just to finish some pending work, just for some "me" time, to fold the laundry, finish cooking... or just for some peace and quiet or watching a movie -- completely -- at one stretch.

But honestly, of late, it's been happening often.
When I had a bad tummy last month, my in-laws took him off my hands for two days in a row. And boy! Did i miss him! I wanted/needed the rest and got it. But I was so lost without him. It's only at such times, when you get off the highway of motherhood, that you realise how your life is SO centred around your child.
So much so that you don't know what to do with yourself...or the husband.

I was really feeling guilty for having sent him away...as if I'd banished him from my life, as if i wasn't fulfilling my responsibilities as mom....aaargh GUILT

And yet all I had wanted was the peace and quiet. I was also too physically exhausted to be able to do anything for him...yet....I wanted to. I'm sure all of us feel this way, right? Just that it's happened so often in the last two months, I'm actually surprised with myself.

I was down with a flu-like condition again this week and didn't want to give it to Sonny so I'd packed him off to my parents' this time for two nights in a row. I really started missing him, cuddling up to him, hearing his nonstop patter about elephants, toys, his teacher, schoolmates...his stupid antics that irritate me otherwise.

The little rogue so enjoyed the stay with my dad that it's been an uphill task to peel him away from my parents' home and bring him back after i return from work! He stayed back an extra night, very sweetly asking me "please ma, one night more". I just couldn't say no. Yesterday, my dad begged me to take him back with me!!! HAHAHAHA

I kept thinking, no wonder it's so difficult for older people to let go of their children when they grow up, go out of the country to study, settle in different countries or cities... after so many years....

Quit to become a SAHM: weighing the pros and cons

My mind is right now so beautifully messed up. I want to call it quits on my almost 11-year-old career.
I don't want to also, because I'm "-" this close to the top. The money's decent. And i need them both -- the sanity of the job and the value of the money, with a loan on our heads.

BUT. And this is the BIG BUT. My folks, with whom I leave Sonny Boy, along with the assistance of a part-time Nanny, aren't able to take it any more.

Ok it' a bad patch. The Nanny's been on leave almost a week now because she's unwell, so my parents are FREAKING.

They are aged, they aren't exactly in the best of health, and they are sounding like they need a break from Sonny Boy.

My mom had a meltdown this morning. She said it's all just too much for her. Understandable. She has a lot of physical constraints.

I don't want to leave Sonny Boy at a baby-sitting setup right through the day. That, I'm very sure about.

I'm tired of searching for new nannies -- they are all ultimately the same -- they are never around when you most need them, go off on long leave often, and keep asking for a hike in pay. No amount of pampering them pays off in the long-term relationship. It all one day boils down to money.

But I just can't imagine myself, after 11 years of financial independence, asking the husband for money for every single thing. My savings are minimal and I will have to ask. Very tough thing to do, when you have a big beautifully puffed up ego.

Workaholic that I am, will I be satisfied with running home? Forget satisfied, will I be able to do all the housework at all? Honestly, office work is way less than housework. At home, there's always something constantly to be done. Even when everything's done. It's tiresome, there's no pay, no bonus, no performance-incentive, no perks, aaarrrhgghh.

AAAAAAARGGGHHHH. I need some sane SWOT analysis of my situation. And knowing myself, I'll paint such a bad picture of being a SAHM, I'll refuse to quit.

Dilemmas, dilemmas....more dilemmas. With each day, I'm becoming more inclined to quit.

At what price should I continue working? My parents are unhappy (but cover it up with a smiling mask), my kid is tied down to the house because they can't move around much. I'm feeling guilty about both. I want Sonny Boy to change his routine; parents won't agree. I can't force them. All this will change if I simply hand in my resignation.

But I can't really get back to work after a break. The industry is mean to people who call it quits.

Should i, shouldn't I? Can I? Will I? Should I? Ufffff

I look out the window and it's all grey and cold.

When the milk of motherly kindness boils over...and singes

There have simply been too many days this past week that I've hated being a mother.
Honestly, don't tell me you haven't had one of those "moments" when you've plain and simple just hated your child. (Ok hating being mom and hating your child are two different things directed at two different people but so intrinsically linked, I don't think you can separate the hatred, specially when you're upset.)
Of course one is so shocked by the thought that you suddenly bring yourself out of it, admonish yourself, say a little prayer to be forgiven for such unimaginable thoughts, and go give your little one a hug.

But that one moment of hatred is intense.
It's triggered most in me when Sonny Boy has his "I want this, I want it now, I want this only and now only...whaaaaaaa baaaaaah" even before I can minimally respond to it. I call this his ziddi avatar, his stubborn  and unreasonable self that takes over his personality every once in a few days. Or as I look back now every few hours in a day.

First I wanted to blame it on his series of illness, his discomfort, his frustration at being confined to the home.
But sometimes I think it's inexcusable. He just starts off without warning, tugs at me, hits me, hits some furniture inevitably in the process...and just won't listen.

My point is if I said no to something, he could THEN cry and protest. The very asking is done wrong, which is so pissing off. I don't expect a two-year-old to be very reasonable, but watching nursery rhymes on DVD all day when I'm home is quite ridiculous and unacceptable.

He refuses his toys, won't play on his own. Will play only if I join him. I thought kids could manage at this age about 20 minutes of play by themselves, at least that's what I remember Dr. Spock's as saying. I have a huge bin of toys for him, then there are books, colours, lots of paper. I even replace old books/toys with new ones so he won't get bored. But no! He must have rhymes, over and over and over again.

There are times when I feel I want to throw him out of the window, make him invisible, make him vanish for a few moments. I feel so guilty having these thoughts. But then I'm glad I have them, because this overwhelming sense of horribleness takes over that I'm being so mean to a small little creature that didn't exactly choose to be here. I brought him here so I better just learn to calm him down.

Then again, I have a problem with all parenting sites that tell you to calm a child using various methods -- distract them with something else (he's crying so loud and clinging to my feet so hard I can't move and he can't hear), be calm, count to 10 or sing (hmmppph if i could be calm i would be world's best mum and hah! sing???!!! i want to scream too). And when you are frustrated and tired after a day's work, a sudden slap delivered on his bottom gets things out of your system and shocks the hell out of the kiddo -- i mean he gives me this "What?you actually it me?!" look and i think he stops crying half out of shock/surprise.

I always think this process is like this huge pot of milk kept on boil. As the milk heats up, it rises and for some time it forms a puffed up creamy cloud on top of the pot (if you're on sim!) but if you're on full flame, it just boils over the top, falls on the flame, singes and smells and sets alarms off in your mind.

How mothers can be frutsrating

First -- I'm a mother, yes. But that can't stop me frm cribbing about my mom.

Two -- There's some time at least before Sonny Boy grows up to crib about me. That can surely wait.

Three -- I love my mom. And without her, I wouldn't even be (not just in the "given birth to me sense". I mean in a larger all-encompassing sense.) I wouldn't be able to work without her now for sure. I couldn't have asked for a safer mommy-in-charge arrangement for my li'l one, with her supervising the nanny...

...but mothers being mothers, they want to mother you all their life.

The other day the husband and I were having a conversation about some logistics for the next day, to attend a ceremony. Mom, who was hanging around, had to tell us what to do, even before husband had replied.

She always does that -- tells me what I should do, specially when I don't ask for her advise. But when I do ask her (like when I could easily do with a second opinion or genuinely feel lost and need guidance), she turns around and says "Do whatever you want to..." And that's the end of the conversation.

She can be soooooo frustrating sometimes, when she treats looking after her grandson liek a chore. All responibilities are strictly to be stuck to. She will not feed him dinner at any cost -- unless I'm really late and have no hopes of gettin home even by his late-est dinner time, and have informed her well in time. And she'll do it muttering a hundered things under her breath. And the moment I land at home, it's like "Here, take your boy's dinner" ...an almost "My time's up" look and she vanishes into the receses of the house.

I agree she's old, physically not really up to coaxing the brat to eat at a time when she's itching to just hit the bed. But what the hell, my grandmom did it for her. My mum went to the movies, attended weddings, and had a full-time job all because grandma took care of me.

So I expect the same from her for my baby. But then I guess I'm being unreasonable. My grandmom was much younger...but i can't be blamed for that too.

And that's where the paradox in the Indian family system lies -- it's great to have a support system you can totally fall back on, but in always falling back on that family, you never become independent.

In fact you're so dependent on it, you can't survive without it. Take that family away and you struggle to cope. You're lost.

Why do we have babies???!!!!

What really stumps me is why we want to become mothers. I mean, I have nothing against it. I'm talking of the reason.

I think we're simply conditioned and tricked into it.

Because if we REALLY knew what ACTUALLY goes into rearing children, I don't think many of us would want them.

Through most of our formative years, we are fed these images of "cute" babies, all chubby with pink little fingers and toes saying "goo goo" or "aaa" or something harmless like that, and that too always witha smile. And these are mostly derived from advertisments. So much so that we can't look beyond pink toes.

When we bump into a couple with a crying child when at the movies (during our college days), we're stupid enough to assume they're just having a bad day.

We fail to notice the dark circles and frayed nerves of cousins and siblings when we visit, because we're busy adoring the little angelic beings. It's always a short span of time that we spend with them, so we very often don't know what one day's cycle in the life of a baby is.

We never really get to handle baby pee and poop (unless you're in a large joint family where babies are easy to come by).

Everbody goes over the moon on the joys of motherhood, about giving birth, about the joyful(!!!) labour pains. Women rave about the satisfaction that motherhood brings.

No one discusses logistics of rearing a baby. No one tells you babies can sit at your breast forever, pretending to be feeding. (You'll be asked, almost sadistically, once you've had the baby, by another young mum : "So, feeling like a cow? (Wink Wink and all).Cousins never tell you of breastfeeding pains and bruising. No one ever tells you about episiotomies.

Best friends might let you take a peek into their lives if they've been there done that.

But, by then, it's too late.