Mum has cancer...our world has fallen apart

This post will perhaps be my last...or my last in a long time. Or maybe I'll be writing more to spill out that whole gamut of emotions I'm going through....life's gone topsy turvy.

After much running around in circles, mom was finally diagnosed end of last month as having lung cancer. In an advanced stage, but with fairly positive prognosis.
Today we came back home from her first chemotherapy. She looks so frail and vulnerable....and to think she has to go through this five times all over again is plain depressing.
 Each day I leave home with great apprehension, thinking "how will she be today?"
My mum's being the brave soldier for most part. Really really brave and practical, with a stoic approach to the whole thing. That has helped. But she's weak and exhausted already. Some days i just feel miserable for her and break down in the bathroom.

Mums really hold the key to you life, I swear. Without them, you're bloody hell LOST!!! You dont realise the value of a person till they sort of go missing-in-action. I realise how much my mum was doing around the house for my Sonny, for me, for dad, for the household. She still tries, when she's still feeling ok, to do so many things around her, but age is not exactly on her side...she's past 70.

Suddenly equations around home have changed. Dad is so lost around home, mum has to tell him how to do each thing. I've had to re-learn to re-live in my parents home, the way they like it. Mum has become extra touchy about everything.

What's scary is logistics, liogistics, logistics.

The worst sufferer in all this, though, i feel is Sonny Boy. It's beginning to show and that's making me feel worse. He's emotionally distraught that I'm never there -- he was even telling the maid "my mum's always in the hospital". I feel guilty not being around him. When I'm not in hospital, I have to be at work...ugh.

I understand that what my mum must be going through is plain hell -- physically, emotionally....she worries so much...for us! So typical of mums, huh?

I'm trying too to put on a brave face, though its getting increasingly testing. It's turning out to be a logistical nightmare for me. Running two households (I've moved into mum's place temporaily), keeping the job (need the money for her treatment), the hospital rounds, staying overnight at hospital (the worst scene i swear), keeping constant tabs on mom, trying to look after the lil fella.......... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And the financial blow...gawd. Any of you out there with parents like me who dont have medical insurance/coverage, go get them covered today. I mean it. It's one of the biggest mistakes i ever made in life....bearing the brunt now.

The hubby dear has been super-supportive, touch wood. But has to travel soon, so not a good scene.

Ok all this is just one mad outporing, and an explanation for why I've not been here/will not be here on this space for some time at least....dunno how things will turn out. Those of you who believe in the power of prayer, please pray for my mum.

How to care for your ill, sick, unwell wife

I've decided this must be a tutorial. The mounting frustration for a woman, when her man can't take care of her when she's really down and out, is quite something, and adds to her illness.
No, I'm ok at the moment. But when I do fall ill, I keep telling myself I must write this post. (All my dear friends who tell me I must talk it out with the hubby, tell him what exactly to do, I've tried this...telling him what he can do to make me feel better etc, but somehow it just does'nt seem to register in his heart :-(


Since men, at least most of them, don't seem to know "how to", while for women it just seems so natural and instinctive.
(Ok, all those men who know how to already, don't read this and don't send me nasty comments, please.)
I'm hoping someday, my husband too will hit upon this when he googles the topic, (if he ever ever looks up the topic, that is!) and learn a thing or two.

So, if your wife is unwell, here are just some of the things you can do to make her feel a tad better:

1. Wake up earlier than her and get the household started. Anyone who's ill likes to stay in bed a little longer than usual. If you know her routine, good. Else just check with her the previous night what you can do in the morning to make things easier for her. Be specific. "I want you to stay in bed longer tomorrow morning, dear. So tell me what I can get done before you're up." She'll most likely turn down your offer. But please don't give up at one "no". Maybe heat the milk, pick up the paper from the front door, fill up drinking water, answer the doorbell, wake up the kids and take them through their morning ablutions, get the kids lunch boxes cleaned up and ready...

2.  But first, when you wake her up, please ask her how she's feeling. That you show concern will make her feel better already. If she says "not too good", ask what it is, listen to the answer, and offer to take her to the doctor/call doctor to fix the appointment. Take her to the doctor. Don't expect her to get there on her own.

3. Most people who are unwell would like something warm to drink first thing in the morning (that's how I am; there may be other preferences). It's usually soothing. Ask if she wants tea/coffee or anything like milk/warm water to drink. And make it. It's not all that difficult. If you don't know how to make any of these, ask, and she will tell you. Or she'll get out of bed in frustration and make it herself (don't rule that possibility out either! but try anyway)

3. If you can manage to make breakfast, nothing like it. The humble toast will be acceptable, usually. Or if you can make some broth/ porridge/ ganjee, do that. Nothing fried or elaborate. Or if she's up to it despite being ill, maybe order in her breakfast of choice, depending on whether she can stomach food from outside. In terms of Indian food, something like idli, pongal/khichdi, ganjee, a plain rava upma may not be bad options to rustle up, if you can manage them. Google recipes the previous night if you want to make a serious effort. Or call your mom/aunt/her mom and ask (that'll also make you popular {if you call her relatives that is, not YOUR mom} and maybe offers of help will pour in). Don't try to surprise her. It'll help if you check with her if ingredients are at home. She'll possibly give you an easier option than you wanted to try.

4. Try and take leave from work, at least for a day to be there for her. The gesture will be so appreciated, you will not imagine it. I may be generalising, but women don't think twice about using up their leave to care for a sick husband/child. Somehow men don't seem to do it as willingly. Do it, and see her glow.

5. Offer to call in for help, if you really can't manage. A hired nurse for an illness/fracture that may make her immobile will sort things out, if you can afford to pay for it. Else, offer to request the help of a family member/ relative she's comfy with. People might be more willing than you think. Just make sure you help them in their time of need/ illness.

6. If you have kids, and she has something contagious, keep them away from her. Tell them what it is, don't make them cry for their mother. Take care of their basics -- feeding/ bathing/ playing/ entertaining. If it's older kids, get them ready for school. It' ok if they don't bathe for a day. It's ok if you fill their lunch boxes with an easy meal one day. If they are old enough to communicate, ask them what you can do for them, and ask them to help you too, since mummy is ill. You won't imagine how cooperative they might just be. But don't be angry if very young ones don't understand. It's bad enough for them not to have mummy by the side; they definitely won't be able to handle an upset dad. Some kids will know their mum's routines better than you will. And they might be more handy in the kitchen and around the house than you are -- they'll show you a few things.

7. Once the kids are packed off, discuss with you wife what to do for lunch. If she's feeling better, you both together might rustle up something in the kitchen. The same goes for dinner. You can in fact tell her that you don't really know what exactly to do, but want to help her and make her feel better. Tell her she just needs to give instrutctions and it will be done. Admit that you'd rather do what she wants than try something and bungle up, if that's a possible thing for you to admit. The idea should go down well with the wife.

8. Draw her water for the bath, if she feels up to it. Offer to massage her head/back if she has an ache (you need to do this only for a mere two minutes -- it's not such a un-doable task).

9. Make sure she takes her medication. Ask "did you take your medicine?" Bring it to her bedside. If she's looking better, offer to set her up in the TV room, or any other place...a change of place might cheer her, rather than wallowing in bed the whole day. Check on her every half hour or so if she has a fever.

10. When you're talking to her, pay attention. Don't sit in the TV room on a sofa and yell half-hearted "Do you want something?" while she's in the bedroom. She may be too weak to scream back. And too pissed if you don't care to walk over to her.

11. Mean what you say. Even if you're upset that you had to stay away from work, and do all these things you don't like doing, don't show it. In the way you speak, in the way you treat her. That hurts. Try to make small cheerful talk, pleasant things, myaybe look at your old photos, play her favourite tape of soft soothing music -- don't bring up a subject in  that you know usually triggers a war between you two.

12. And please, don't keep pointing out saying "see i'm doing so much for you". Women are far more sensitive and will notice it themselves. You don't have to tell them. Most often they thanklessly do these things for you every day.

13. Keep noise levels in the house down. Noise can make one feel more ill -- that means no loud TV, no screaming kids, no thumping music, and don't call over your boisterous friends and have a "boys' day in" because you're at home anyway, for heaven's sake! Save that for later.

14. Most importantly, don't let your enthusiasm flag. Don't start the day in the perfect way and then tire out and just plop down and say "i can't do this any more". Looking after someone who's ill can be tiring, taxing, and a continuous process. Accept that first.

15. And all this does not mean you need to suffer. Make sure you eat and take care of yourself too. If it's something contagious the wife has, you'll have to take precautions not to get it from her. Because if you fall sick too, the situation will only get worse. (If it's something like pox, you may have to pack off the kids and stay with her).

16. Check with her if clothes need to be put into the washing machine (if you have kids, the school uniforms may be the emergency washing needed), if dishes have to be loaded in the washer, or if you have a maid/help what instructions must be given.

17. Just as you kickstarted the household, you might also have to wind things up -- shut out lights, lock doors, bring in the laundry, put kids into bed (after getting them to study/do homework/ feed them), put out the coupons for the next day's milk supply etc.... and remember, YOUR WIFE DOES MOST OF WHATEVER YOU DID THIS ONE DAY, EVERY DAY, DAY AFTER DAY.

18. NOTE: If you really really can't do any or all of this, or just find it too daunting, at least offer to take her over to her parents or any close aunts who live near enough for her to bear the journey, and with whom she'll be comfortable recovering. She needs some rest.

Please, any woman who reads this and wants to add her own tips, please leave a comment and I'll add that to my growing list!

NOTE: This post was inspired by my other post which I'd written down in February 2011 titled "Why can husbands never care for sick wives?"
http://crib-crib.blogspot.in/2011/02/why-can-husbands-never-care-for-sick.html

Sonny Boy's travelling itch

So Sonny's done it again.
He went to Hubby's hometown on his own, with just his pappa as travel partner.
This is his second time in less than two months. I'm proud of him and the Pappa.
But it's also the beginnngs of the "I'll cut the strings and run" syndrome that our kids are sure to be prone to as they grow up.
He seemed so happy yesterday telling me he had fun without me, and will soon do it again! The little rascal hah!
Of course he's come back this time, not with the usual cold and loosies, but some sort of allergic rashes. Little pimply specs all over his arms and legs. If it doenst subside by tonight with anti-allergic syrup and a calamine lotion to contain the itch, it's back to the doc tomorrow :-(

In the meanwhile I've managed to clean parts of the home while he dad-and-son were gone, visit an ailing friend in hospital, buy new ceramic plant holders for the home, increase my collection of plants outside the door, buy myself two new pairs of shoes, take my parents out to lunch, READ, READ READ, call up cousins and friends and chat, upload photographs .....aaah so much done, so much more that could have been done.

Work has been getting worse by the day. Cooking, gardening and planning for my SIX MEALS A DAY -- all that's been taking up time.

Don't you miss your child and want him away -- all at the same time?

I thought I was incapable of an emotion like "missing" my son when all I wanted was him off my hands at various points in the day/week...just to finish some pending work, just for some "me" time, to fold the laundry, finish cooking... or just for some peace and quiet or watching a movie -- completely -- at one stretch.

But honestly, of late, it's been happening often.
When I had a bad tummy last month, my in-laws took him off my hands for two days in a row. And boy! Did i miss him! I wanted/needed the rest and got it. But I was so lost without him. It's only at such times, when you get off the highway of motherhood, that you realise how your life is SO centred around your child.
So much so that you don't know what to do with yourself...or the husband.

I was really feeling guilty for having sent him away...as if I'd banished him from my life, as if i wasn't fulfilling my responsibilities as mom....aaargh GUILT

And yet all I had wanted was the peace and quiet. I was also too physically exhausted to be able to do anything for him...yet....I wanted to. I'm sure all of us feel this way, right? Just that it's happened so often in the last two months, I'm actually surprised with myself.

I was down with a flu-like condition again this week and didn't want to give it to Sonny so I'd packed him off to my parents' this time for two nights in a row. I really started missing him, cuddling up to him, hearing his nonstop patter about elephants, toys, his teacher, schoolmates...his stupid antics that irritate me otherwise.

The little rogue so enjoyed the stay with my dad that it's been an uphill task to peel him away from my parents' home and bring him back after i return from work! He stayed back an extra night, very sweetly asking me "please ma, one night more". I just couldn't say no. Yesterday, my dad begged me to take him back with me!!! HAHAHAHA

I kept thinking, no wonder it's so difficult for older people to let go of their children when they grow up, go out of the country to study, settle in different countries or cities... after so many years....

Remedies/ cure for tonsilitis/ mouth ulcers

Tonsilitis going around in circles now. Sonny Boy's got it from me I suppose :-( Ugh ugh ugh.
So it's three nights of fever in a row for Sonny Boy. And three sleepless, restless nights for him and me. Coming tired and with a persistent headache to work from lack of sleep isn't exactly exciting.

What do you give kids when they have a persistent low-grade fever? It's not high enough to even give the gunky Calpol. And I sometimes belive the fever should not be suppressed. But it tires him out.... Ugh.

Raising a kid, specially a toddler is SUCH a tiring thing. How did our grandmas have four and five kids? Did they never tire? Did they never scream "Enough!!!"?

My attack of tonsilitis/ulcers/sores in the mouth has finally come down. But Sunday and Monday were hell. I couldn't speak or eat -- two things I LOVE.

Here's my list fo things to do to reduce the discomfort of tonsilitis/ulcers/sores in mouth:
1. Coconut oil: Use a sterilised cotton swab. Dip it in coconut oil and paint the insides of your mouth with it. IT REALLY HELPS. BIG TIME. Just don't eat or drink anything for a few minutes after that.
2. Gargle, rinse, swish your mouth with warm (not hot) water, salted with rock salt. About half a tea-spoon to a full glass. Do this at least twice.
3. A germicide gargle will help. But if teh ulcers are too severe, it HURTS. Ouch!
4. I've read it several times on the Internet. Tried it for the first time -- make a decoction of fenugreek seeds (methi seeds/mentya) by boiling it in water and rinse your mouth/gargle in throat with it.
5. Milk!!! Milk --- warm or room temperature helps, when sipped slowly. Some soothing effect. In India it's believed ulcers are caused by "heat". So any food that's cooling, without essentially being cold (refridgerated) -- a ganjee(conjee) of moong dal (hesaru bele) and milk, or rava (semolina) and milk. If you DON'T have tonsilitis along with ulcers, for ulcers alone the usual recco is tender coconut water/ buttermilk.
6. Over-the-counter analgesic mouth gels. But there's one danger. They temporarily numb the pain, but are so strong, can sometimes burn the tender skin lining your mouth. But they can NUMB the hell out of your tongue, and allow you to eat a few bites sometimes.
7. Don't talk. Not moving the tongue helps!
8. Brush, brush, brush your teeth, prefereably after evrey single meal.
9. Try nibbling on a few pods of cardomom (elaichi/yelakki). Take the black seeds inside the pod and pop them in your mouth, suck on the juice. I think it's a natural analgesic and numbs the pain. It also helps counter bad breath that comes with mouth infections. And it doesn't burn.

Why can husbands never care for sick wives, while wives do it so well?

Like it wasn't already bad enough, my situation, I fell sick on Saturday.

A dinner to celebrate the in-laws' anniversary on Friday resulted in a Saturday morning welcome with vomit.
Ugh.
It was a disgusting day of purging my body of excesses.

It was also a day when that old feeling comes reeling back and hits you when you are sick, making you sicker -- the realisation that a husband is so incapable of "caring" for you the way say, your parents do/did or you dreamt "husband person" would.

Again, I speak from my experience and i know there ARE some husbands who just know how to be chicken soup for their their wives' souls when they are sick. I'm really happy for such women and goddammit, very jealous of them too.

So on Saturday I ran in front of husband, who was merrily featsing on breakfast by then, to puke for the first time in the morning.
He knew I had gone in to puke, but never came after me to help -- i mean just rub my back dude, I'm sick.
So i was poking around the clogged sink with a broom stick, clearing it myself and puking again. A sort of DIY it was! Yeah gross!
I finished, cleaned up, went out to the room and lie down. After some 15 more mins of watching TV, he comes in and says "O so did u puke?" That's it, I burst into tears.
And told him in clear terms that he really doesn't care for me when I am sick, when, even if he has this fever-cold, he'll wallow around, bury his head in my lap, ask me to sit on his bedside.
I make him tea whenever he takes ill, give him the mandatory hot water bottle, and he'll make all these stupid whiny noises and mope around and I try to be nice and pamper him and bah! When I'm sick....he sits out and watches the effing TV!
So he admitted "yeah I'm sorry I really didn't realise it", stood around like he was mourning someone's death, ...and then walked back to finish breakfast and watch TV! Hah!

Which is why I usually run to my mom's place the moment I take ill. And this weekend my folks weren't in town. Which made me cry harder -- the thought that this is what my life will be when the inenvitable happens. Soon as i realised after my third month of pregnancy that my nausea and daily puking wasn't going to stop (it enever did till almost teh day i delivered) and husband dear wasn't much help, I had packed up and gone off to my parents'. Wise decision, now, when I look back.

So this time, I packed off the husband and boisterous Sonny Boy to my in-laws, sent the nanny packing and slept my fever away, picking at curd rice in the evening. It was so much better having some quiet in the house and looking after myself. I didn't feel terrible either because there was no one in the house to ply me with tea or a hot water bag anyway.

NOTE: This post and the number of people Googling for "my husband doesn't care when I'm sick" prompted me to write a more recent post "How to care for you ill, sick, unwell, wife". I do hope husbands are looking up as much on the net as wives are! Husbands, if you're reading this, please read the tips on the other article. Wives, please hope, liek I do that the husband reads them

Why is boredom so boring?

I'm in a state of ennui.

Aren't there those days? Do you ever have them? What do you do with them? What do you do with yourself?

Work is putting me off. I haven't got a thing done today. I don't want to get a thing done today. I just don't want to do this work, whetever this work is.

I don't want to move. I want to be everywhere.

I don't want to be anywhere but I want to go somewhere but here. Anywhere.

I'm randomly surfing the Net. I'm randomly keying in stuff.
I'm mindlessly staring at my computer screen, switching between windows.

I'm drinking water, blinking every now and then.

I feel like throwing up
I feel robotic.

I want to shop.
I'm tired. i want to sleep. I'm despressed. I want to throw up.

I'm feeeling mindless, soulless, stupiod. I want to cry.

I don't know what I want.

I have a breast inflammation. All over again. I can't deal with it anymore.

The nanny calls it quits. Now, should I?

First things first.
Thanks to all of you my dear friends who wrote in with warm wishes, hugs, and advise. I'm sorry I haven't the time to reply to all of you individually, but A BIG THANKS FOR BEING THERE. I will follow up your suggestions/ideas. I think I need to concentrate more on homeopathy. Will change homeo doctors (will get someone closer home) and give it another shot.

Ok here's my venting for the day/night.
The nanny walked in this morning (she'd promised to come join work back today), only to tell me she can't make it any longer -- she's unwell and her children dont want her to work. I was quite expecting this, so I cleared her payments wished her well, and she quietly left.

So Nanny Hunt begins. AGAIN.
I'm tired of doing it, so maybe I'll quit so I dont have to hunt anym ore, I kept telling my self over and over again.

Sonny Boy is a tad better, though I can't figure out how to get the coughing spasms down -- wish I could melt the phlegm with something -- SOMETHINg!!!!  And wish I could push teh clouds aside, stall the cold Bangalore winds witha  giant wall and hug teh sun for the much needed warmth.

Aunt's surgery pushed forward but she will be staying with my folks to recover from some other infection because of which teh surgery couldn't happen. Aunt who had come to help mom is going back because hey!! there's no surgery!!

Tomo, I have to make THE CALL. To the workplace (the boss and possibly Big Boss at HQ) to ask for leave extension. Hmmm tough one, esp when we're pretty shortstaffed.

In all this hullaballo, I'm trying to overlook my back pain, dousing myself with muscle relaxants, analgesics and pain patches. Add to that some cough syrup and antihistamines and I'm a total wuzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The only saving grace is that the boob pain and swelling has come down. Garima, tere muh me ghee shakkar-- wasn't it you who said it'll be gone? My antibiotics and anti-infammatory pills for this ends with tonight's dose. My fingers are crossed and I'm hoping there won't be any need for a biopsy. My doc says just watch a week to ensure there's no swelling up of symptoms again (pun unintended). Thanking God and holding my fingers tightly crossed.

Snap jack back and a possible biopsy!

I have to keep telling myself life will get better. Or I might just forget that.
I'm right now lying on my back and typing out this post with hubby's laptop at an odd angle to my stomach and my thigh. I've a bad lower back spasm. Something i've had before and had been warned might happen again if i'm not careful. Such warnings swim in the back of your mind for very few days after the attack.Then you're back to bending over the wrong way because that's what comes very naturally. So does the pain.

My Sonny Boy's nanny isn't back at work yet. She's not taking my calls on her cellphone, neither is she returning them. That's a bad bad sign. Aunt's surgery next week and then my parents have taken it upon themselves to offer her post-operative care at their home. It's going  be be a month of hell for them. Feeling so bad for them and helpless. If nanny doesn't return, my resignation chances look clearer.

My parents have taken ill, along with Sonny. If there's a name to my degree of frustration, I don't know of it.
Sonny is so bad with a cough, congestion, runny nose and its happening all over again, over and over again. He's hardly been to playschool this whole month. Bangalore's weather is playing truant. I think it's showing -- teh effects of climate change.

Immunity -- that really gets me worried and talking all the time. It's something I have very little of and so does Sonny, I suppose.
I'm now being advised to take and give him septulin supplements, iron tonics etc etc.
If there is something that worries a mother, it has to be her child's illness -- whatever it is, and whatever degree it is.
I'm just blabbering. I've been at home, hardly have anyone to talk to, am feeling like shit.

Moreover, I had a harrowing week of breast swelling and inflammation -- something the doctors have, after an ultrasound scan, diagnosed as an infection -- but if it doesn't come down by Tuesday I might need a biopsy. I'm dreading it. I'm a very filmi person. As soon as doc said that, my mind did a flash forward. What if it's cancer? What if I die? What happens to Sonny? What are the things I want to do before I die?Suddenly my priorities seemed different. Top among them, I realised was to spend time with Sonny and other family members. Actually been so depressed and worried have been refusing to go to work. And snapping my back came as a great excuse -- though it only means I have more time on my back for gory imagination and more pain (and medication) than I can already handle. At least the back took the attention away from the boobs, was hubby's take on it all. Oh yeah, maybe that was the plan.

Right now doing a supine posting, with Sonny Boy's blocked rhythmic breathing for bedside company.

 

Monday Morning SCARE: Red nasty rashes

Sonny Boy's mastered it all right. How to scare Mummy. Specially on Monday morning.

Woke up to Sonny scratching himself silly on his neck. And what's that? About 20 red rashes behind his ear. Ugh. Applied calamine. Some soothing. But largely no improvement.

Call. Get appointment with doctor. Not a pleasant or easy thing on a Monday morning - any parent will vouch for that. It's the day all sick kids are clustered around the doctor and you begin to believe all people did over the weekend was fall ill.

After Sonny's chicken pox scare, I didn't want to take any chances. First thought, in fact, was : can one have a relapse of  pox???

Doc coolly said it was an allergic reaction to mosquito bites! LIKE THAT??? I kept asking him.
Like the kind that can scare the hell out of you.

So we're back to antihistamine syrup and a cream. Looks like kids live off medication the first few years of their lives.

SO BE WARNED: Apparently these kinds of allergic reactions to mosquito bites happen among toddlers specially in winter/rainy months.

Been asked to keep Sonny indoors at mosquito parade time: how's that possible?
We use the plug-in repellent, keep windows closed most of the time, and he's mostly in jammies and full-sleeve Tees because he catches a cold easily.

How much more careful can i be? I've been asked to apply mosquito repellent cream if i'm taking him out in the evening! What torture for the child. Is it even safe to use frequently? Doc, of course, says yes. I have my own doubts.

God, why is it so difficult to get by a few days with no complications related to your child's health?

How to entertain a sick child

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Ok, I'm beginning to think I'm an expert on this subject now, considering how easily my Sonny Boy falls ill. And this past one week has been quite a lesson for me and I hope i can put it down so even others find some solace in it, god forbid, if they find themselves in such corners. I guess most of my suggestions would apply to toddlers rather than older children. And more so if you are in a confined space and need some activity to keep your kids going.


1. The beginning of the day is when a sick child perhaps has the most energy, so save any kind of physical activity for then.
2. When i say physical activity, I mean within the constraints of the illness and depending on how willing the child is to play.
3. A little bit of cricket in the hall with a plastic ball (so your TV wont get hit!) or playing catch is not too bad an idea (if you are not to take him/her outdoors/ bad weather/ fever). It's a bit of running around and working up of appetite for lunch. Otherwise they are too inactive to feel any hunger. A bad thing when they also need to stomach medicine.
4. A spot of TV or nursery rhymes mid morning will keep them entertained without you necessarily involved, so you can get some work done around the place.It also offers them rest after some playing about.
5. Save story-telling, showing pictures in a book or reading from it for the sleepy afternoon. Or if you like, make it some favourite song. Something soothing after some harsh medicine and just before snooze time to keep illness-induced nightmares at bay during an afternoon nap.
6. Post-sleep they may feel a bit "up to it". But may still have some sleep hangover. Colouring should wake them up, and yet not tire them out. It's a good time to bring out the toy bin too.
7. If your toddler or child fancies them, simple jigsaw puzzles they themselves can put together is another great way to keep them entertained during illness.
8. Buy a small new toy or book to take away boredom and monotony. It will create enough curiosity to kill a few more hours.
9. Clay/playdough, a bit of gummy atta...maybe even scissors and paper (for older kids) -- something to keep their itching-to-do-something hands busy.
10. Favourite toys/dolls should be around during illness -- they can be great comforters.
11. When children are sick, I believe they like to be kissed and cuddled. And we all know of the healing power of touch. So just cuddle up, take them in your lap and maybe sing an old song grandma or mom sang for you. Or tell them a story they don't have in their books.
12. Any sort of sorting game may also keep them occupied. Just a few coins and two tumblers or bowls to put them in as they count, or pour from one to another -- they also love the noise it makes!
13. If they are not tired from a fever, you could just blow up a few balloons for him/her to monkey around with -- the colour is good on the eyes, and a bit of noise will hopefully not make them cranky.
 14. Peek a boo played in nooks of the house I think also cheers them up.
15. For a change you can be the TV. Act out rhymes and see their joy when mom/dad begin goofing around trying to imitate "Goosey gander" or "Teddy bear".
16. And if they are not feeling up to sound/noise, movement. just sit them in bed and do the eternal fav -- blow bubbles.

As you may have well guessed, these are mostly things I've been doing with Sonny Boy this last week.And as I put it down, I've realised there are some more things I can still do.
Finally, as much as we may plan and decide, when they are ill, kids will want and have their way. So if they want to watch TV when you are free to do puzzles with them, god save us moms!

What 'been there done that' really means

It's not really until you actually go through an experience that you get to know what really it entails.

Like, for example, unless someone real close to you has died, you never get to actually know what that sorrow is like. You can empathise with a friend who has lost a dear one, but there is still a barrier.You feel so lame once you really know what it is, compared to what you were thinking it was.

That's the same, I'm beginning to believe, with other life experiences as well.

Only when you've landed thud in a terrible sort of way, splitting your legs in the long jump pit at school, twisting your waist in an odd angle, do you know what thigh pain is all about.

Not until you've hurled abuses at your boss, who first hurled abuses at you across an open office space where everyone froze do you know what humiliation is all about.

Not until you've shat in Nature's garden on a hillside, surrounded by blood-sucking leeches crawling in upon you, with one mug of water precariously sitting on a stone near you, do you know what the comfort of home is like. Till then, I always thought, "What's the big deal about roughing it out?"

I always would think what the big deal was about becoming mothers. Everyone became a mother at some point in time, I assumed, by default. Motherhood also just happened by default and life would run its default course.

When I got married and a close cousin couldn't really participate in all the fun leading up to the wedding, saying she was busy with her five month old, I refused to believe her. I thought it was a silly excuse. It was only when I got invited out with a five month old in my arms, and was refusing to go most places, that i realised what it meant.

I was once shocked when a colleague said they never cooked at home. They simply ate out or ordered food in. Now I think they are very smart!

Every time i was refused a Sunday off at work because i was still single and dint need to have a family day, I fumed. What was the big deal about being married. Once I got married, I knew why that one day together was precious. But by then they denied me Sunday off saying, i didn't have a kid!! Now I know what that one bloody Sunday can do to your life. The ways of the world.

However much you think you know about some one's life and what they are going through, you are never even close to reality.

When someone says "My kid is ill" in office the next time, I'm going to have a lot more respect for them.

I mean, till i saw the blisters on Sonny Boy this week, i hadn't the foggiest notion what chicken pox looked like! I really hadn't bothered what to do in such a situation. Now I'm surfing the net, calling my aunts and friends, taking tips, making notes to myself.
Till Sonny Boy had torn through me and entered the world I couldn't really figure the big deal about labour and episiotomies. I mean, it was all this natural beautiful process, right?
Until i cleaned Sonny Boy's pee and poop minutes after few minutes in the initial three groggy months (after having decided to go all natural and use only cloth, no diapers), after his birth, motherhood was about pink toes, gurgles and smiles.

My cousin gave birth this morning to a baby girl. I'm overjoyed for her. But i also know what this gregarious beer and seafood loving girl is going to go through in the name of the traditional confinement, with very few foods "acceptable" and beer?? HAHA that would be blasphemy..... Because, I've been there done that.

Chicken pox for the brave soul

It's hell time again. Sonny Boy has chicken pox :-(
For a weepy mom like me there seems to be no dearth of reasons to cry and crib over.

But Sonny Boy is being a true Braveheart. TOUCH WOOD.
I can't take the sight, though. He's sleeping now and I'm so unused to being in a quiet house I had to come online.
He's breaking out in blisters in various parts in various stages. I really didn't think it would come like this.
It started like little pimples, or what could be easily be mistaken for heat boils and within 12 hours it had turned into mean looking lumpy boils. Now they look watery and ready to burst in some parts, some have blackened and scabbed.

He's trying his best to co-operate i guess, when i put some soothing calamine on the pimpernels. But today noon, he lost his cool and said he didn't want any more "cream". I'm dreading the itchy phase. Though, the PD has given him an anti-allergen to keep that minimal.

I so do hope that he tides over this one without too much pain or stress, though that's only wishful thinkin i guess. As of now, we are in our little fortress apartment in our attempt to isolate ourselves from others, though how one can prevent something that spreads quick through air is a mystery.

There's just a bit of sunshine right now peeping into the room and I like the reassuring feel of it. Wet cloudy days only have  an association of sickness for me.

I called my aunt who raised me along with grandmum to check if I'd had pox as a kid. Doc says if you've had it once chances of your getting it are lesser. He asked me to keep Sonny away from my ageing parents -- apparently they are more susceptible now and can lead to hospitalisation for them because it can get complicated.And what he craves most in sickness is his grandpa...this is gonna be tough. I know he's going to wake up in the next fifteen minutes ans start asking or rather badgering me to go to Grandpa's. Sigh!!

Apparently three per cent of children get chicken pox despite vaccination. Sonny Boy had to be part of it! Damn!
There's no real medicine to treat it, so all we can do is soothe him whatever way possible, distract him from scratching himself, and get him to eat (his appetite's gone missing). So there...

I'm beginning to think it's such an ordeal to raise one little imp, who's always sick, getting into trouble, wounding himself. I wonder how our grandmoms had so many and never really complain much about them during childhood. But they also had joint families that took care of the kids -- my grandmom says she never fed any of her five kids after they were one! They were made to sit with older siblings in the joint family in a line, and they had no choice but to eat like the others did. Wow.  Sometimes they ate, many times they just played with their food. But they all seem to have turned out fine.

I'm beginning to think motherhood really is about attitude. And like with all other things, each of us have our own highly individual and stylised approach, even if we don't see it that way. Oh there's so much to learn in life...so much to learn with each blooming pox boil and each darkening scab.

A for akshee, B for blob in nose...T for tonsilitis

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll never see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel will I? I mean, I'm forever groping around in the darkness of the tunnel, going around in circles and coming back right there.

If the whole of last week wasn't bad enough for Sunny Boy with the sniffles and the leaky drippy nose, now it's full-blown tonsillitis and a chest congestion. Why-o-why-o-why? The poor soul can barely swallow food. Won't eat much. Keeps sneezing and coughing . I want to really fly up in the sky and pull out dear Sun who's hibernating behind the clouds in Bangalore these days. I mean I haven't seen a bleaker week in my entire life in this city.

But, he's been a good boy and takes in some home remedies very willingly to ease the congestion.

And before I forget, I'm putting down all anyone can do to ease the child during such illness (I keep doing this putting down things for myself, because whenever i ask my mom what she did for me when i was a kid she says she just can't remember. And me being forgetful me, I haven't much hope). I also help anyone else struggling in a similar situation can make use of it and find some relief.

1. Give lots of warm fluids -- ganji/kanjee made of roasted rice and boiled with some daal give sustenance and strength. Is warm soup for the soul and is easy on a swollen throat. Add some veggie from squash family -- pumpkin (white or yellow), or doodhi/sorekai (bottlegourd). Cook it in the ganji and mash so nutrition goes down as masked (hopefully) as possible.
2. Warm water to drink. This must be a fairly cooled down version of water boiled with some turmeric, tulsi and ginger in it -- a light decoction. (Thought he would puke it out. But, as surprises go, he loved it!) Best thing first in the morning.
3. Steam inhalation. Easier said than done. My boy is never going to go through this even if i try conning him, tell him he's going to play with water and steam up the bathroom. That's the ONLY time he doesn't wan to play with water!
4. My friends do this often; I've tried it sometimes and it helps, but my brat just resists everything (so pls understand my frustration as i crib and weep over and over) -- apply some lukewarm milk with a a few strands of saffron as a thin film on chest and forehead. The "heat" of the saffron absorbs the congestion. (For adults we use a mix of ginger/turmeric but that would be too strong on a baby's skin).
5. Another alternative to No. 4 is strapping on a strip of cloth (this is only for the chest) in which you've rolled up some crushed garlic -- some pods with skin peeled and crushed. (I tried this on Sonny Boy, who promptly pulled off strip after much wailing). But if you have a very willing baby (like the rest of the world seems to have) please try it. It eases congestion/phlegm built up in the lungs.

All these are tried and tested grandma's cures used for generations in my or friend's families. Just be careful. Whatever you apply, never near the child's eyes. Best applied after they are fast asleep if they are the rather unwilling kind.

I'm just oh-so-depressed. Can't take leave from work because I have almost none (saving the few for the rest of the calendar year). Can't concentrate on work because I'm thinking of the poor dear. Can't sleep peacefully because I keep waking up when he struggles to breathe.
And just sad, sad sad :-(