Why was I raised like a daughter-son, only to be expected to behave like a daughter?

It's strange, the way I'm feeling these days.

I am an only child. That in itself says a lot about me to a lot of people.
My parents let me have such a great life -- they let me make all the big decisions in my life, I had my own room on the terrace with an independent entrance when i was in high school (can you imagine?!), i was riding the bicycle to school when i was ready...you know.


I always was the centre of all attention. I lazed on the sofa watching TV or reading and things were brought to me. I was pampered silly. I was taken on lovely vacations, i was bought things. I decided what clothes i got on my birthday and what clothes i got on my parents' birthdays. I WAS BOSS.


I got to choose my career, my husband, ....i mean almost everything i wanted i had it before i could say yes. My dad even bought me a car when i graduated! And i didn't even want one.


And now, I'm expected to naturally be so responsible, running my house smooth as silk, juggling my career, hosting parties, taking leave for poojas, taking ma-in-law shopping, keeping tracks if parents are going for their blood tests. I'm expected to keep tabs if things are there in the fridge, keep a tab on all groceries, stock up when husband comes back into town, keep tab of his vaccinations and doctor's appointments, clean the floor of crayons, lock the windows when hubby goes out of town (i run away to mom's!), know which medicine to give Sonny Boy for what, always cut his nails, tackle his tantrums, ....jeez. These are things i never did.


How am i expected to make this transformation so easily, like it's the only natural thing to do. In fact I've my older sisters (cousins) have always preached: "Necessity is the mother of invention...when the pressure falls on your head, you'll do it all." I mean, why do WE have to? We women?


Why can't men also easily make these transitions? It's made out to be like we have no choice but they have. It's ok if my husband still throws wet towels on the bed, but not if I did it. NO SIR. then i would be setting a bad example for the child, and who will pick up after me anyway? It's ok for him to come home straight from work and plonk in front of the TV, but I have to first run to the kitchen, put out the food, get dinner going?


A man can pick up his life at any point and at at any time and just move on. While i have plodded through pregnancy, delivery, post-partum, motherhood and working mom, husband just gets to live the life of a man. Life's unfair. So what's new?


But then, why raise me like a son? Really? Only to be reminded by the people and things around me at the end of the day that I'm after all expected to be just the daughter, and not the daughter-son I was raised to be?



PS: My dad was so busy celebrating his grandson's birthday he even FORGOT to wish me on my birthday.

Five things you must know about raising boys

1. Boys will be boys. Never have doubts about that. They're not in any frame of mind to break gender stereotypes (as much as we want them to). In the middle of the story you're patiently telling them about the princess who broke free and ran toward an independent life, they will start a car race with their Hot Wheels.

2. Boys being boys (and on their quick way to being men), will be obsessed with their wee-wee, playing with it endlessly, commenting and laughing about it, and giving it a new nick-name every other day.

3. And with their wee-wee mentioned, their pee-pee/soo-soo can't be far behind. Boys love to pee. Specially when not in the bathroom/toilet. They love to pee most when they're fast asleep. So beginner mammas, be ready for lots and lots of diaper leaks. Specially from the front-top. Yeah, that's where the shot is always aimed at at night, however much you "position" it when you strap on a diaper. And most diapers available in India do not have boy-specific diapers (with extra padding in front).

4. Till they grow up to be daddy's friends, YOU will be their best friends mommy dears. And as best friend, you get the privilege of feeding and bathing them, getting puked on, putting them to bed, cleaning the poop, carrying them around. You will be the one they'll cling to in unfamiliar crowds. Have you every heard him scream "Daddy?" in emergency situations? Like when he's held his hand over a candle flame to see how it feel? It's always "Mummy", isn't it?!

5. They start really young with giving themselves importance, going about thumping their chest and claiming things as "mine". There will be fist fights, there will be kicking and screaming over the same red car the other boy wants, there will be much boasting and seeking of applause for things others seem to do so naturally and as part of their everyday life. In other words, you have another man in the house.

Why me??!!!

Why me? It's something I often ask myself. I love wallowing in self pity. I do.
How come i have to change the bedsheets, throw out old stuff from the refrigerator, make the shopping list, figure out what stocks are depleting and need to be replaced? What's to be made for breakfast?
Why me? Why do i get to do all the mundane tasks while He gets to watch all the TV?
Why does He make it seem like he's doing me such a big favour going out and buying things that I took the trouble of making a list of? Uffpah! Men! Can't figure anything out themselves and can't understand or accept what we'e figured out for them.

The saving grace of my gory life -- S calls me by name now!