Thursday, March 31, 2011

Don't you miss your child and want him away -- all at the same time?

I thought I was incapable of an emotion like "missing" my son when all I wanted was him off my hands at various points in the day/week...just to finish some pending work, just for some "me" time, to fold the laundry, finish cooking... or just for some peace and quiet or watching a movie -- completely -- at one stretch.

But honestly, of late, it's been happening often.
When I had a bad tummy last month, my in-laws took him off my hands for two days in a row. And boy! Did i miss him! I wanted/needed the rest and got it. But I was so lost without him. It's only at such times, when you get off the highway of motherhood, that you realise how your life is SO centred around your child.
So much so that you don't know what to do with yourself...or the husband.

I was really feeling guilty for having sent him away...as if I'd banished him from my life, as if i wasn't fulfilling my responsibilities as mom....aaargh GUILT

And yet all I had wanted was the peace and quiet. I was also too physically exhausted to be able to do anything for him...yet....I wanted to. I'm sure all of us feel this way, right? Just that it's happened so often in the last two months, I'm actually surprised with myself.

I was down with a flu-like condition again this week and didn't want to give it to Sonny so I'd packed him off to my parents' this time for two nights in a row. I really started missing him, cuddling up to him, hearing his nonstop patter about elephants, toys, his teacher, schoolmates...his stupid antics that irritate me otherwise.

The little rogue so enjoyed the stay with my dad that it's been an uphill task to peel him away from my parents' home and bring him back after i return from work! He stayed back an extra night, very sweetly asking me "please ma, one night more". I just couldn't say no. Yesterday, my dad begged me to take him back with me!!! HAHAHAHA

I kept thinking, no wonder it's so difficult for older people to let go of their children when they grow up, go out of the country to study, settle in different countries or cities... after so many years....

3 comments:

Garima said...

Wow.... that is so amazing that you could send him off for a while. I dont think I have sent V any night outside. I am a helicopter mom that way! :-)

Hope you feeling better!

uma said...

hey, yes..i do completely agree. Parenting is one big bundle of paradoxes. I hope you are feeling better now and are back to blogging regularly..

Aparna said...

hey there dear.. you've been going through a lot of sickness lows lately it seems.. hope you are getting back on your feet and back to normal now!
Wonderful that he's been able to stay away from you for a couple of days - I say look at it as an achievement rather than feeling guilty and all! :)