Monday, February 21, 2011

Why can husbands never care for sick wives, while wives do it so well?

Like it wasn't already bad enough, my situation, I fell sick on Saturday.

A dinner to celebrate the in-laws' anniversary on Friday resulted in a Saturday morning welcome with vomit.
Ugh.
It was a disgusting day of purging my body of excesses.

It was also a day when that old feeling comes reeling back and hits you when you are sick, making you sicker -- the realisation that a husband is so incapable of "caring" for you the way say, your parents do/did or you dreamt "husband person" would.

Again, I speak from my experience and i know there ARE some husbands who just know how to be chicken soup for their their wives' souls when they are sick. I'm really happy for such women and goddammit, very jealous of them too.

So on Saturday I ran in front of husband, who was merrily featsing on breakfast by then, to puke for the first time in the morning.
He knew I had gone in to puke, but never came after me to help -- i mean just rub my back dude, I'm sick.
So i was poking around the clogged sink with a broom stick, clearing it myself and puking again. A sort of DIY it was! Yeah gross!
I finished, cleaned up, went out to the room and lie down. After some 15 more mins of watching TV, he comes in and says "O so did u puke?" That's it, I burst into tears.
And told him in clear terms that he really doesn't care for me when I am sick, when, even if he has this fever-cold, he'll wallow around, bury his head in my lap, ask me to sit on his bedside.
I make him tea whenever he takes ill, give him the mandatory hot water bottle, and he'll make all these stupid whiny noises and mope around and I try to be nice and pamper him and bah! When I'm sick....he sits out and watches the effing TV!
So he admitted "yeah I'm sorry I really didn't realise it", stood around like he was mourning someone's death, ...and then walked back to finish breakfast and watch TV! Hah!

Which is why I usually run to my mom's place the moment I take ill. And this weekend my folks weren't in town. Which made me cry harder -- the thought that this is what my life will be when the inenvitable happens. Soon as i realised after my third month of pregnancy that my nausea and daily puking wasn't going to stop (it enever did till almost teh day i delivered) and husband dear wasn't much help, I had packed up and gone off to my parents'. Wise decision, now, when I look back.

So this time, I packed off the husband and boisterous Sonny Boy to my in-laws, sent the nanny packing and slept my fever away, picking at curd rice in the evening. It was so much better having some quiet in the house and looking after myself. I didn't feel terrible either because there was no one in the house to ply me with tea or a hot water bag anyway.

NOTE: This post and the number of people Googling for "my husband doesn't care when I'm sick" prompted me to write a more recent post "How to care for you ill, sick, unwell, wife". I do hope husbands are looking up as much on the net as wives are! Husbands, if you're reading this, please read the tips on the other article. Wives, please hope, liek I do that the husband reads them

55 comments:

uma said...

hey..hope your doing better..
Its ok, I can empathize with you. I am not one of those wives that you and me envy. No, my husband is actually very caring and loving in his own way, but he cannot manage housework even when I am sick. So, yes I know the feeling. But usually these guys who cannot make an outward show of their love are the most dependable souls on earth. So, hang in there..get well soooon.

Garima said...

Oh No.........I am sorry! Hope you do get better soon!!!
You are courageous to have everyone leave and take care of yourself. That takes some strength.
I hear you about going to parents when ill, the pampering and the amazing 'lie down beta' is to kill for!!!
Hugs!!!! Get well soon!

nila said...

totally with u on this
have a similar one at home who cant open his mouth and utter two words of empathy...and so

"stood around like he was mourning someone's death, ...and then walked back to finish breakfast and watch TV"

I can so relate with u on this!
I went and took a lasik surgery(however small it is I was scared to death on even the thought of it) all by myself just because he wont care/console when needed and have that blank expression which irritates me to death.

Anonymous said...

Dear , I too suffer the same thing at home. Noone cares whether we are sick, whether we ate, whether we slept. All they need is they should be good, at wife should help only him , take care of hime. However they are educated, however they earn, but always many guys are only selfish.

Aparna said...

Oh you poor dear.. sorry am getting to read this so late.. have been sick myself this last week, so I can totally relate to how you feel on this one. Hope you are doing better now :).

Hubby dear in my case is a lil more sympathetic, but too busy with work and not adept at housework in any case.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I just read you blog and I feel for you. I am in a pretty much the same situation. I am actually having sore throat right now and earlier today my husband told me to have ginger tea. So, I asked him if he could make me some tea. He just sat there on the couch and said "oh, I am tired" and just sat there on couch watching TV. I mean, come on!... really?...just because I don't have a fever, but a terrible sore throat, I don't need any care?. I just felt like crying right there. When you are sick, it feels good to have your husband be more proactive and care a little. I feel you actually get better faster if someone is there taking care of you. I just wish husbands wise up and take care of their wives. It will actually benefit them more. I guess they will never learn. After 10 years of marriage and a having kid has changed me physically, So maybe he is not into me that much because, I am now ugly old fat. I don't look like the person he married to. Anyway, If it wasn't for my son, I would have committed suicide by now. But when I see his face, I want to live and endure anything that comes my way. Thanks for letting me vent.

Unknown said...

I broke my shoulder in a fall. Had to drive myself to the hospital. Husband is angry with me. I have osteoarthritis and my bones are not strong. He blames me for a break when he falls and nothing on him breaks. Told me, you don't paint houses or repair roofs like I do. It is your fault when you had a minor fall and broke your shoulder. We are getting elderly. What to do if I have something really serious like a stoke.rt

Anonymous said...

I read this blog post and realized that I am not alone in this world. I sort of knew it, but feels good to be reassured. I go through similar experiences several times. I get excruciating menstrual pain for a day every month , but I have to run the house no matter what. I had to go ALONE to get a biopsy for a lump in my breast for crying out loud! And all other major/minor procedures , my parents had to be there taking care of me (my mom of course!). God has created the male gender so self-centered I guess ! Ladies, be strong...

Anonymous said...

When I'm sick, my husband treats me as an inconvenience and often berates me. He makes me feel worse and so I stay sicker longer. I dread getting sick because I know it will be a fight, not for compassion but for him to be less of an asshole. I too had to drive myself for a biopsy and his question when I returned was how long until we could have sex. This is why I've decided not to have children with him. If he treats me so poorly over the flu, I can't imagine how horrible he'd be during a pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

My hard working husband woke me up at 330 am when he knows how sick I am (I have a secondary cold that has settled in my chest). He asked for the remote. Not OMG I did not mean to wake you! How are you? Do you need anything? In fact probly was hoping to get laid. I too in the past have driven myself to to Doctor for different things in the last 12 years. No they do not change! And I am finding comfort in my tears knowing I am not alone. And we have a 10 year old. I am reminded that yes my pregnacy back then was an inconveinence to him when I had morning sickness for the first trimester. In fact he said I was making it up for attention/ and to get out of work!!
Believe it or not he is a great Dad. Takes great care of our daughter. Just sucks at taking care of me. To him taking care of me is bringing home money. I was going to see if I could hold on untill after Christmas to take myself to the Doctor. But now I have decided/reminded I am not going to make any more sacrafices but am going to stay home from work and take myself to to Doctor tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

I believe my husband is the worst husband in the world, I went abroad to have a operation that could save my life... But after surgery things went wrong and I called him and said: I think there is something wrong with me and doctors don't believe me and they thinking I'm making this up...I said come urgently or I feel I will die here...They kept saying there was nothing wrong with me and that I should calm dow... I said: I'm too ill to travel alone and not able to walk, please come for me and take me to the hospital back home.... He said: I can't, I took a week off to look after the kids because of you, and now I need to go back to work!
With the help of friends I flew back home, straight to our local hospital and was diagnosed with pneumonia and collapsed lung, he came to see me 3 days after.
All my friends hate him now. And I'm finding difficult sharing a bed with him now. I could been dead now... I would been alone if it wasn't for my friends. Forgot to mention I also had 5 blood transfusions, was being fed via central line... I was really ill... He didn't care...
I could never forgive him... I loved him, and now it's over

Bigmomma1001 said...

I am sick today..after 26 years of my spouse's abuse and neglect... I have decided next time he comes to by sick bed demanding I cook for him...I am divorcing him but not moving out...just moving him out of the master bedroom then I will not feel like the 'slave' he owns anymore and he can take care of himself. Life is too short! Maybe if we all slap their nose with a newspaper they might realize no woman is going to stand for their selfish little attitudes anymore!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me feel less alone. I am home in bed sick. My husband has just berated me again and insisted I get up and go to the office. It's sad to be with someone who has so little compassion when you are sick...which in my case is rare. But googling the y
Topic to find out I am not the only person who has a husband who becomes mean and angry during sickness made me feel less alone somehow.

Anonymous said...

I envy you. At least you can just pack and drive to your folk's house. I can't. They're on the other side of the continent. My husband has made some progress since we married. When we were dating, one time I got a fever and stayed with my parents, he didn't even call all day to check on me. I CALLED him after I felt better. My mom was like why he never called u? His argument was that since I was in my parents' care he wasn't worried!! Now whenever I bring that up, he doesn't remember it happening. Anyway, these days he'd follow my instruction for things like tea, heating pads, pillows, etc.. But don't expect things like chicken soup or a nutritious meal. If I'm down for the count, he'd just do take-outs. When I'm sick, I eat junk. When he's sick, he eats healthy. My mom warned me about that. Should've listened.

Anonymous said...

Yea u should've listened.... I was diagnosed 3 wks ago with a brain tumor and here i am at this site. So u guys already know the rest. Um believing God for complete healing and restoration, so guys please pray for me, k. Thanks, love you guys.

Anonymous said...

I am a man reading this. Im soo surprised to hear that so many husbands do not want to take care of their wives. I came here looking for things I could do to help her feel better. I admit I don't understand all the things that she needs/wants when she's sick and I used to be similar to some of the aforementioned husbands but came to the realization long ago that while she may act like superwoman while she is sick what she really needs is to be treated like she is the queen I married years ago. While I try to show her that more than when she is sick I try to more so when she is. I realize that some of the husbands here will not change and treat their wife's better, I believe some can. How I changed was my wife came to me while she was sick (rather upset I might add) and told me how I needed to do more for her and show more concern. I don't know if its mostly me or most men I'm general,but iI never really realized how alone and miserable she felt. I was clueless. Sometimes what is needed is a heartfelt conversation (not yelling as that only creates feelings of resentment. I speak from personal experience) and letting him know what you need. I hope this helps some of you here and know that it is possible for a man to change for the better.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I feel the same as well... just the difference is the guy is not yet my husband but my boyfriend of 5 years. We are supposed to get married in 1 month, invitations are sent, pre-payments to suppliers are all ready. This week I had a really bad sore throat with a 39 degree flu. He left me home alone to go partying with his friend at the sea. I ended up in the hospital, with injections in my arm as the sore throat became an inflamation during the night and I started having a hard time breathing. He only called me the day after at 3pm to check how I was, after having driven to the hospital on my own and spending 5 hours there in observation while he was partying... the worst is I am a foreigner in his country and the only reason I stay is to invest in our relationship. My whole support network is in the other side of the Atlantic. I fear what my live will be in a foreign country with such little support. He says I must respect his freedom, for me caring for you partner when they are ill is in no means a freedom restricting factor, just honouring the meaning of the word "partner". I don't know what to do :(

Ann Bulawit said...

I feel bad that I have to google my problem to understand if my feeling is right or wrong. I am too having problem with my husband not caring when I am sick. Wake up in the morning doesn't even ask if I am feeling better. But he does ask his parents how are they feeling. Pray for his parents to feel better but not me. I feel pathetic with my feeling. I thought I should not feel sad about this. But I can't hold myself to cry.

Anonymous said...

I read these comments and too realize I am not alone. I have 3 kids with my husband and after 13 years together and dedicating my life to him and the kids you think he would get it. my pregnancies were all difficult and my babies were all preterm. After each delivery I did not receive flowers, a pat on the back or a great work honey. No way, he treated himself out to new clothes, haircuts and new tools EACH TIME. now I am in the hospital recovering from a myomectomy and he didn't want to take me to the hospital, but as soon as my sister in law said she wanted to take me. he said no, no, that's my wife I'll take her. We get to the hospital and as soon as I open my eyes he says I made dinner plans with an old friend (who happens to be a girl) and so I'm going now...you take care of yourself. 3 days later I have heard nothing from him. I called him and said what is the plan for when I return as I am coming home soon. He said I took you to the operation....it is up to you to heal. You're on your own. What a jerk!!!!! I have never cheated, never left, always supported every dream that he has and what do I get in return.... spit in the face!!! blah!!!

Vanessa Dominguez said...

Hello wow to see the many stories and to see how unjustified it is for men to act that way. I had surgery a week ago it is an open wound in mu buttocks area. The husband took me to surgery but, gave me so many problems ; wanted to take a job two weeks before surgery in Texas, we live in New Mexico. He argued with me do he wouldn't be involved even wanted to leave me. So finally surgery came and he went to follow up appointment to see how to change my packing. Well he ended up leaving Wednesday came back Friday took my packing out and its not been packed since . He was drinking all weekend and I was left to fend for myself, now the wound is in pain bad not even pain pills are not helping. I feel alone, I talked to a nurse on call lets see what she says. My husband gets sick, has been in a roll over and once got beaten where he was partying and who took care of him? Bath him when he couldn't, give him sponge baths? Took time off work and school Me . But yet I ask him one time and he can't do it. Funny just right now the surgeons nurse called me said I need it packed every day and she would do it . I started to cry cause when it comes to me I am always last on husbands list.

Anonymous said...

What to do girls my husband not only shows no sympathy he actually becomes nasty like he gas no patience for me being either sick or incapacitated I have said if I ever get terminal sign the divorce papers now! I have just had surgery and moved to my daughters for peace whilst I recover. How do u stay in love!

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm glad I googled this topic and read this, because I now feel a little better. My Husband is seriously so "mean" to me when I'm sick, but I'm so loving and want to care for him when hes ill. I have been sick for about 2 days, caring for my home, laundry and taking care the children. And I have a very busy schedule, so, yes I waited two days before going to the Dr. Today when I finally did go I was told I have a severe bladder infection and strep throat. When I came home he didn't even ask how I was or what the Dr. said...so I told him anyways and all he says is "Well, I told you to go two days ago and you didn't. So, now your really sick" and went back to watching something on Discovery Health. Didn't ask if I needed anything or if I wanted to go lay down while he watched our babies..nothing! I think its just awful and very mean. I cried for a few mins. in my room alone so that he wouldn't see and then decided to console myself with google. :) I must say that it was a good decision. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

ME TOO! God knows I love my hubs, but I hate getting sick because I know I am on my own. I am five months pregnant and have caught every cold and even flu that has crossed my path this whole pregnancy. Well, I currently have some virus and feel wretched, I can hardly talk. My old man can hardly look at me when I am ill, he is just seething with resentment. It's my day off, so I'm not missing work...I just don't get it. It makes me feel so sad and alone. He sarcastically asked me what my symptoms were knowing I can barely speak. Just so sad.

Anonymous said...

I am 14 weeks pregnant. Cramps every day. Feeling very tired. Morning sickness. My husband totally resents me for needing extra rest. I still go to work, do stuff around the house, take of kid, etc. But I'm not doing as much as usual and I guess its not enough for him.

I wanted to sleep in a little this Saturday morning and oh the drama! He said if I need extra rest I just need to COMMUNICATE. I said I was communicating by laying in bed trying to sleep. Lol.

I don't know. If he can't handle me needing a little sleep, what's going to happen if something really goes wrong? Scary thought.

Anonymous said...

So I see that there are husbands like mine all over the world. I'm sorry for what you all have been through. I have been married nearly 10 years and have 2 wonderful children with my husband. Unfortunately he only cares about himself. When I get sick, he not only doesn't help me in any way, he yells at me and calls me names! I once drove myself to the hospital when he didn't believe I was really ill only to find out I had double pneumonia. I hope that we all stay healthy or perhaps find someone better. Best to you al!

Anonymous said...

Just read your post and have to tell you my husband hates helping when I' m in need especially when sick. A few months ago I had flu. I was coughing so badly. Couldn't catch my breath. He walks past the bedroom door to get his golf clubs and doesn't even offer me a drink of water. On his way back he says, " bye, see you later" and leaves.
Today my contact lens actually broke in half in my eye. Don't know hoe but it was so painful I couldn't get it out. I yelled for help and he said, " oh just close your eye and it will work itself out by tomorrow!" I apparently was disturbing his Sunday paper reading.

Someone tell me why are some men so darn uncaring?

Hope you got throu your "sticky time".

Thinking of all you women out there that have self centered, uncaring husband type people in your life.

J

Anonymous said...

I also came here through a Google search because of my husband's meanness. Apparently he thought just being married to him would cause me to magically be well the rest of my life with him. He knew I had health problems when we got married. What hurts the most is that he also knows that I left my first husband because of that man's callousness when I was sick, in the hospital, and in pain. Is it weird that my current husband was really nice and attentive to me before we were married?

Anonymous said...

Can I just chip in, as a husband? Maybe you should rename your post from "Why can husbands never care for sick wives, while wives do it so well?" to "Why can *MY* husband never care for *HIS* sick wife, whilst *I* do it so well?"

You take the piss with that. Don't damn all husbands because yours sucks. I admit, you do go on to say it is in your experience. Well, maybe the title should be: "Why can none of the husbands I've ever had, care for their sick wife, while I've always done it so well?"

Better still: "Why can't I marry a guy who gives a shit ?" - Well, I can't answer that.

You may not post this, but at least I'll know you read it. So I say this, find yourself a bloke like me. 'Cause frankly, I'm brilliant. The irony is, I found this post Googling for how to best look after my wife when she is sick. Damn, I'm good at this.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I don't feel better knowing there are more men out there like mine. I have 4 small children and have been married for going on 8 years. I just had foot surgery on my foot to have a cyst removed 4 days ago. I also have the arches in my feet collapsing, so putting all my weight on my other foot makes it hurt. I also have bursitis in my right shoulder ( my left foot had surgery) so using crutches makes it worse. The morning after my surgery he got angry with me for not doing dishes the night before. The night before my surgery his brother invited his gf over to hang out and wanted to do so right after dinner and putting the kids to bed. He does nothing but grunt and groan and complain while he does things because I can't. He won't even wipe the counters and sweep the floor and vacuum the carpet, when we just moved into and old house and I want to prevent mice and rats and other icky bugs. He groans if I ask him to get me water or cook for me. I have in the past had change poopy diapers when delirious and vomiting. He does the minimal amount of work and has the audacity to tell me I shouldn't have had my surgery because the timing was not good. He will see me rolling around the kitchen in an office chair sweeping wiping down counters and doing dishes and just looks at me as he walks by to go watch tv. I even fell I'll today and felt like vomiting and he just passed me a bucket while he left me with all the kids so he could go smoke pot at his friends house. They very rarely "IF EVER" change, I know mine won't.

Lisa Pike said...

it makes me so sad to hear how badly many of your husbands treat you. MIne is similarly unattentive, but not overtly cruel. I have strep throat and he decided to go out both last night and today so I was stuck with the kids. i could barely function. Never once did he ask if i needed anything. he is now just sitting on his a-- watching TV. I am thinking ahead girls and realizing....do we want these a-holes to take care of us when we get old? they won't you know and in reality in many cases we will have take care of them. I am serioulsly thinking I will leave him once the kids are older and fend on my own.

Anonymous said...

I just had surgery and like always, my husband is acting like caring for me is an imposition. He rolls his eyes if I ask him for anything. He sits in the other room watching tv and never checks on me. I have to call him on the cell phone! I finally walked to the kitchen for a glass of water and it is a mess! I looked amount and the entire house is a mess! When I get well, I'll have days of cleaning ahead of me! If I say that somehthing hurts, his response is that he has a bad headache or something else. He has no compassion! He is a self-centered narcissist. Everything is fine in our relationship as long as I don't need anything from him. It's always been this way. He is always sicker than me no matter what and has accused me of being sick in the past. Like that other woman said, I'm afraid of the future whne I'm old and need help because he isn't going to be able to help me. After I recover from this surgery, I'm really thinking about divorcing him!

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain ladies. I've been married to my husband 6 yrs & in that time I've been sick maybe 4 times. The worst sickness I'm only just recovering from- pneumonia & a cracked rib from coughing so hard for so long. My husband has not lifted a finger to help, quite the opposite- he's distant & treats me like an inconvenience. Whenever he's sick (far more often than me) he goes to bed & sleeps all day with no thought for anyone else, and I dote on him! We have 3 gorgeous little boys who take better care of me!

Anonymous said...

So sorry all of you have this problem too! Thankfully I have my mom and a really great step dad that fully take care of me when I'm sick. My husband literally never gets sick. We have been together 12 years and in those 12 years he's had a minor stomach ache for an hour and THAT'S IT! I am the opposite. I catch every single sickeness out there. I have a very weak immune system. I also suffer from chronic migraine and a very rough cycle each month. I've explained to him continuously what I need from him. I don't ask for much.. All id like is for him to ask twice a day how I'm feeling and rub my head sometimes. Is that too much to ask? I think not. His reply to that is "I dont do that." If the slightest thing is wrong with him, sore back, achy foot, ect, I ask how he is. When I brought that fact up his response was "Don't ask how I am because it gets annoying. I know you hope I feel better. You don't need to say it." I know he's only saying that because he knows he will never do the same in return to me. I will give him credit.. about twice a year he will ask if I feel better. Twice a year when I'm feeling ill about five days per week... :( He just sits there merrily playing his video games and chatting with people online. I remember two years ago I had a migraine so bad that all I did was cry and puke for almost 48 hours. I was completely incoherent and out of it. Not once did he offer me any sort of help. I called him at work the following day and he didn't even ask how I was. That really hurt me. Most of the time when I'm laying there sick as hell he feels as if it's time to grope me since I'm too sick and weak to tell him to quit it. Thank The Lord for my sweet mother and step dad. I don't know how I will survive without them. My husband sure wont help. Ah man this is depressing. :(

Anonymous said...

So sorry you had to go through that...men are just so selfish at times. My partner has left me plenty times to go partying when I've been ill. Yesterday he went to a barbecue in the early afternoon and stayed out till past midnight while I was bedridden with a back injury. It really astonishes me how seemingly the "nicest" guys sometimes do the most inconsiderate things...

xSoul_Sistahx said...

I woke up in the middle of the night vomiting my guts out. He walks in the bathroom and says "how long have u been throwing up," then just walks out and goes to sit on the bed like me chucking up my guts is bothering him. Not once did he try to get me a cool towel, help me clean up the bathroom afterwards or ask me how i was feeling afterwards. When i cleaned up and got back into bed, he went into the other room to smoke his cigarette. Today, i was still so sick and weak and passing clots and hurting all over. I heard him getting ready for class but i was too ill to get out of bed and get myself ready for school and work so i just laid there. Not once did he come into the room and ask me how i was feeling or kiss me goodbye. He resents me so much for being sick and thats just crazy. This evening i asked him to rub some ointment on my nack which he reluctantly did, then i asked him to please go get me some chicken soup which took an hour (walmart is 1 block away) then instead of fixing it and bringing it to me, he came back upstairs and said "your soup is ready" so i had to ask him to please hring it to me with some water. Its wednesday and on friday i go in for a biopsy because my doctor found a mass in my uterus and i have been bleeding for a year. I bleed after sex, i bleed and pass painful clots on a regular basis, and because of all the blood loss im tired and hurting constantly. He blames me for not always being able to have sex, says im trying to control the sex when in reality, im passing clots and in pain. Ita to the point where im just going to leave because i cannot continue to he teeated like this when i have done everything for him. I have always been the sole provider and he just takes me for granted. I just went downstairs and my damn house is a wreck. How hard could it be to load the dishwasher while im sick?

Spicywhitechocolate said...

My husband and I don't have kids but we have been married for only two months. Today I woke up with a sore throat that started last night, couldn't sleep or anything. My husband got mad at me because I kept wanting him to take care of me and he just said, "what do you want me to do? There's nothing I can do, it will go away on its own." So he just continues to lie in bed and read on his phone. Eventually I get out of bed and make myself some tea as he watches and doesn't say anything.

Then later I decide to make myself chicken soup because I don't feel good. Finally, not because he wants to but because he "starts" to feel bad, he tells me he will get me some vitamin c (only after I asked him to so so several times) and leaves. He gets back and leaves it on the counter and basically tells me how to take care of myself with what he bought, then goes back to the bedroom and lies in bed on the computer. I serve myself some soup and then proceed to sleep on the couch away from all of his noise making.

Our apartment is as small as a closet so he definitely heard me sipping on soup.... However a few hours later he comes into the kitchen and sees left over soup and yells over to me, "why didn't you tell me lunch is ready?" ..... Wow, so I am supposed to make HIM lunch when I am sick. Then he takes MY soup, warms it up, puts mayo all of over and eats while leaving the door open with his laptop on full volume while I am trying to rest.

Anonymous said...

I am so relieved that I am not the only one in this kind of situation..please allow me to tell my 'story': in June this year, I woke up with a terrible pain in my stomach area and ran to the bathroom and I experienced the greatest pain of my life, i puked a lot, started to shake and fall down on my knees, after I started to cry loud, he finally came out of the bedroom and told me that I have those pains in my stomach because of the air conditioning and in that moment I started puking again...and he said that: Good, it means that you are eliminating the infection!!!! and went back to bed to sleep!!! I called my parents crying and scared, they took me to a surgery clinic and guess what: I had internal bleeding, my ovary exploded and it bleeded inside of me. I went to a horrible surgery that still traumatizes me and guess what: my mom stayed with me and took care of me, while he had to go with his collegues in a concert in other town for 3 days, it was a festival...and he left me there in hospital with my mom and dad!! I am terrified at the thought that I will be alone in this world with this man. I am crying while I am writing. And this is what happened today: we have our anniversary-3 years- of marriage in this weekend and I wanted ti surprise him with a wonderful trip at a chateau in our country and I bought the tickets everything and told him that this weekend we shall have fun..and guess what, he told me that he can't because he found out that today he has a singing protocol on Sunday..these 'protocols' weren't a problem when we were not married...I sm broken hearted. Love you girls!

Anonymous said...

So glad I am not alone. Every time I tell DH that I am sick or don't feel well his response is yea me too. I guess its his way of saying " I'm sick to so I cant care for you" My children take care of me when I am sick more then he ever has. My oldest does the most. the day he moves out I'll have to start fending for my self on sick days. after yrs of this I no longer care for him now when he is sick.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why its so hard for my husband to just curl up in bed with me and watch TV while i'm sick. especially when hes not doing any thing! i'm not asking a lot just for some love, to show he cares v.v

Anonymous said...

Helps to know I'm not alone.....
Broke my leg....concussion....hurt neck and back
Bed ridden except for wheelchair .
Husband has spent most of 4 weeks yelling and screaming every time I need anything.... Including a restroom trip.
Leaves me everyday .....golfing.... Etc.....
Does work for a co that up advocates family leave but wants no part. Thank God I spotted my downhill spiral and had to beg family for money for a caretaker..........
Otherwise I could sell items if need be.
He says there's no reason he should be in convinced .... He's not the one hurt....... I actually am upset with me fr not spotting this terrible trait.
He's off to a 4 day vacation.....dosnt see why he shold miss his fun.... Just cause I can't go.........
Didnt know others lie this existed.......

Anonymous said...

Ladies,ladies, ladies. I've been feeling like crap for a week now. This flu is killing me. I am a great cook, but my head and back are killing me. Husbands idea of cooking? Lil Ceasars, taco bell. I'm laying on the coach to weak to put a towel on my head. I made breakfast for the family this morning, he through his plate in the sink. I treat him like a king. I've even been spraying alcohol to keep my germs at bay. No more. So you don't wanna help out, vacuum and tell me his friends are coming in tonight and I have to shampoo carpets, shop, cook and entertain. I'm going upstairs put my running shoes on and sweat this out. I'm germing up my bathroom before I leave. I'll disinfect when I come back. F you crumb face. I have administered his meds, rubbed vicks on his chest and back,and feet. Heating pad under his back, and washcloth on his head. I had to drive to the store and get my own meds after sufferring through the night. He couldn't even buy oj when he bought beer. Loser. Can you tell I'm upset? Good luck guys, this one is gonna learn his lesson.

Anonymous said...

This is my first ever internet post. I have gone through the same sentiments in last three days. I am down with a flu and I was uncared, not fed properly and rejected. I am a very good wife to him and I have always cared for him when he needs me the most. But, I do not see him reciprocating in the same manner. It is very hurtful and I can't stop crying while writing. Why has god made these Men so insensitive!! Love all the girls who posted in this forum.

punk_luv6 said...

You have no clue how much I relate to you...I'm in tears because of his much I can relate as if I wrote this myself. ..

punk_luv6 said...

I know this is a year old but feel like I could've written this myself..if not for my son I'd have committed suicide

Anonymous said...

Iam sorry for all of you ... Iam actually in the same case but with my boyfriend not my husband and Iam not in my country ...I moved to London to study because I met him here and fall in love with each other ... I am having a terrible sore throat with a very bad fever that started yesterday morning ... I was terribly ill and told him before he leaves to work ... I didn't expect him to stay with me and look after me obviously I completely understand that he needs to go to work ... But I was expecting him to cancel his diner after work to come back home to me and take care of me ... He didn't , he called to say I will try to make it as quick as I can and will come back early ... His diner was at 6 pm ... He called at 11pm to say he is on his way ... I was soon bad and felt really neglected an abandoned especially that I am in a foreign country and have no family here ... I called a friend to come and stay with me she didn't hesitate and came at about midnight while my boyfriend was still out !!! I called him as I thought he was late for someone who was on his way at 11pm..., he answered to say :,ah sorry I was making sure my boss gets home safe I was putting him in the cab I will get the next one !!!!!! He came back home at 1am very very very drunk !! Then went to bed ... Today he called to say he is sorry he is not around when Iam ill ... And he has to go for his diner after work tonight as well as it was in the diary for soo long ... I don't really know what to think ... Is it a culture difference ?? I am thinking if he does this now while we are just boyfriend /girlfriend it will get worse if we get married !!! Can I rely on someone like him? Can you please tell me if Iam overreacting ?
Thank you all

Anonymous said...

Obviously, I have the same husband. I've been married for 28 years and got real sick while we were dating with a bad cold. He took such great care of me, part of why I fell in love with him. Since then, different story. He gets mean and "I told you to get a flu shot" or "how long do you plan on missing work?" I cook my own soup, and on and on. This time I came back from vacation with a bad sore throat and now chest cold. He doesn't offer to help with anything and I know he will be mad if I miss work tomorrow. He did go to the drugstore to get me some stuff, but when he is sick, he wants me to rub the Vicks on him and I totally take care of him. I just don't get it. He is otherwise a pretty good husband!

Anonymous said...

Tonight upon reading all your comments and experiences made me think that at least I'm not alone having this problem. I'm a foreigner married for the 2nd time to this recent husband now. We're married for 7 years. Since the first year of our marriage and until now, no changes. He doesn't care or has no passion when I'm sick. He said " do you want me to baby you? But when he's the getting sick one time, I did treat him like a baby, had listed the time for him to take the medicine. Two times when he almost lost his breathe due to pneumonia. I was crying while hugging him, scared and sad on his situation. I was thinking and hoping what i did to him would awake him to take care of me too if i'm sick again, but sad sad to say until this time he's the same. I'm the one working since he retired already but his pension is not even enough for himself. I told him it doesn't matter to me if I'm the bread winner as long I could feel his love and care for me specially when I'm sick. This time I told him I may find a man who could take care of me too specially when I'll become so old. I told him what is the meaning of love in marriage when one can't show passion or can't share in bad times. I'm thinking now if ever there's a man to take care of me as i will take of him, then I have to end my marriage. But what bothers me so much is that the income of my husband now would not be enough for him to survive. I hurts me to leave him with his financial situation. Thank you girls for sharing your experience. I thought I was alone in this problem. Sorry if my English is not so good, it's just because, I'm not a native English speaker. Thanks!!!!

Anonymous said...

:( I'm being that husband right now. She was sick with fever and sore throat last night. I came home ask her if she took the med. she said yes. I went on my way. I woke up early today made the soup. After this it went down hill. I don't know what happen to me. I felt like my brain just shut off. She asked me to go and buy med. I would procrastinate for about 4 hr before I went. She felt a sleep and I did too also. She asks for something and I didn't even do it and just lay there. She got up and does everything her self.
Now is she mad and upset with me for not taking care of her. I feel like the worst husband world.

Thank you for the article. It made me see a bigger picture and how other wives are going through the same thing. I hope I will change and be a better husband and not fall into those category

Anonymous said...

I've been married 25 years and it's the same story for me. As soon as they are sick the whole world caves in around them....when I am sick I totally take care of myself, the house, dinner..... It really annoys me... He says so that's it your sick for the whole day??? We'll let me see maybe I can convince my body to jump up just for you!!!!! Ladies let's teach our sons to be more compassionate human beings so one day they can feel empathy for their wives when they are not at their best!

Anonymous said...

I guess that's it, they are mostly selfish **icks. I just had surgery this year on my back in January. I have been slowly recovering. I was starting to feel better and took a fall down a flight of stairs a couple days ago and hurt my knee. I can barely walk. So, today, I have my leg propped up, and he offers me some lunch he cooked. I accept. He says the food is spicy, and then I said, "Oh, I guess I better get up and get a drink then."... then he says "What do you want for a drink?" I said water is fine..... so later on in the day, I tell him there are some things we need to take care of via the computer at some point this weekend, and the idiot husband of 22 years SNAPS and says that I'm acting like a princess, getting me to wait on him hand and foot all day asking for food, asking for drinks etc.... it gets worse but I'll spare you the details. Then he storms out of the house for an hour and goes to the mall. Radio Shack, and I kid you NOT, he bought himself a remote control toy. I swear, if I had the money I'd leave him. Yes I would. It's always about HIM. When he had the swine flu, who do you think was constantly bringing him fluids and drinks and helping him out? Putting my own health at risk? Yes, you got it!

anon said...

Mine told me today he couldn't change a diaper because he worked. I said I'm sorry but I'm sick.....When I had a very painful miscarriage he complained I was being lazy. When he is sick or even just really tired I am supposed to wait on him. As soon as I can afford to I am leaving.

Edge said...

I was also sick for two days now and husband doesn't even care, he cares more of not being late to work than takes care of me or even bring me to the doctor. I drove myself to the doctor even if I still feel dizziness and headache coz I had no choice but to help myself. He didn't even said he's sorry, he just explained to me that he doesn't want to be late to work. Worst to be absent to work just to accompany me.

Edge said...

I was sick for two days now and husband doesn't even care for me. He just didn't want to be late for work. So much more if he'll be taking a leave of absence so he can bring me to the doctor. I had no choice but to drive myself to the clinic and have myself checked. Though I'm feeling dizziness and severe headache i had no choice but to help myself. Why is he being so insensitive and uncaring?

Anonymous said...

I am not the type to seek sympathy when I'm sick. I usually keep it to myself unless it's pretty bad. So I have an awful flu right now: headache, aches all over, chills, fever for the pass couple of days, sore throat, stuffy nose....and feeling awful in general. The guy who is trying to get me to date him wanted to see me and despite telling him I'm sick and need rest, he kept telling me I am just faking/exaggerating. Wow, what an a$$. After providing more details, he replied, "oh you are sick." Really? Why would I lie about feeling like cr@p. He then spews on about taking care of me, but actions speaks louder than words and I have learned his talk is cheap and rarely materialize unless it satisfies HIS needs. I am so thankful I saw this side of him so I don't waste my time on some inconsiderate a$$. Ladies pay attention to how they treat you before you commit.

Anonymous said...

Reading this just makes me more sad and angry. I have a kidney infection and a lot of pain. Husband went out with friends hasn't called to check on me once in eleven hours Isn't answering his phone and it's way later than he ever stays out