Isn't it time for the second? No?!! Tch tch...

Dear S's second birthday is coming up and it's that point in my life when one more BIG question is thrown, very casually, in my face. Very often.
"So when's your next baby coming?" or "Now that he's two, don't you think he needs company?" Or simply "Oh you must have two kids...look at me." Or "My second one arrived just in time for my first baby's second birthday."
It's all about timing. Keep the distance. Your two years are up. Time to face the nosy relatives.
I'd love for Sonny Boy to have company. And not have teh fairly lonely life I've had. I'd love for him to have someone to grow up with, to play with, to share his joys and sorrows, his toys, his smiles.....oooh yes. I'd love for all that to happen. But the kid must just automatically take care of herself. Ya howwwl as much as you want. Flare your nostrils. Grunt at my obnoxiousness. But I'm game for a second for very selfish reasons, but honestly have no energy to care for her. Which is why I can't have her.
Her, I say. That's another reason. If I ever EVER have a second, it has to be a girl. And since God gives me no guarantees on that, I'm taking no chances. I'm going mad with one boy. Two will ensure I lose even that tiny bit of sanity left in me.
But i like the nerve of relatives who just assume I'll have a second. "Why not?" is scathingly whipped out in my face when I smile and try to say "No, I'm not having another." Like it's a sin. No offence meant to mothers of two, three, or more children. In fact the more number of kids you have, I worship you so many times more because i don't have the fortitude for it.
Some pity me in response. Most start off on their glorious (or rather smooth) experience of the second. They reassurinly tell me that THIS ONE will be easy because you've been through it all(yeah right...I'm not getting tricked again!)

But if I, the mother, is unwilling , because I'll fail to giver her my best-est, I don't think it's anybody's bsuiness to worry for me and for my son.
I wouldn't like to give someone whom I bring into this world anything but my best.