Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Isn't it time for the second? No?!! Tch tch...

Dear S's second birthday is coming up and it's that point in my life when one more BIG question is thrown, very casually, in my face. Very often.
"So when's your next baby coming?" or "Now that he's two, don't you think he needs company?" Or simply "Oh you must have two kids...look at me." Or "My second one arrived just in time for my first baby's second birthday."
It's all about timing. Keep the distance. Your two years are up. Time to face the nosy relatives.
I'd love for Sonny Boy to have company. And not have teh fairly lonely life I've had. I'd love for him to have someone to grow up with, to play with, to share his joys and sorrows, his toys, his smiles.....oooh yes. I'd love for all that to happen. But the kid must just automatically take care of herself. Ya howwwl as much as you want. Flare your nostrils. Grunt at my obnoxiousness. But I'm game for a second for very selfish reasons, but honestly have no energy to care for her. Which is why I can't have her.
Her, I say. That's another reason. If I ever EVER have a second, it has to be a girl. And since God gives me no guarantees on that, I'm taking no chances. I'm going mad with one boy. Two will ensure I lose even that tiny bit of sanity left in me.
But i like the nerve of relatives who just assume I'll have a second. "Why not?" is scathingly whipped out in my face when I smile and try to say "No, I'm not having another." Like it's a sin. No offence meant to mothers of two, three, or more children. In fact the more number of kids you have, I worship you so many times more because i don't have the fortitude for it.
Some pity me in response. Most start off on their glorious (or rather smooth) experience of the second. They reassurinly tell me that THIS ONE will be easy because you've been through it all(yeah right...I'm not getting tricked again!)

But if I, the mother, is unwilling , because I'll fail to giver her my best-est, I don't think it's anybody's bsuiness to worry for me and for my son.
I wouldn't like to give someone whom I bring into this world anything but my best.


padmaja said...

OMG! this is what i still get asked & my son is 6! i'll never go for a second one for the same reasons!!! plus only now i'm actually enjoying a bit of 'my' time!

Forever mother said...

Hi Padmaja
I'm glad you're enjoying the "my" time...but you're freaking me out!! Six years after u're only beginning to enjoy it whaaaaaa...everyone promised me he'll grow up fast! Hmm and if you're still being asked about the second, i guess i should quit complaining...about this issue at least :-)

Sonzie said...

Hey! You totally reflect my thoughts on a second child. i would think of going through all of those zombie nights and the days if and only if I had an assurance that it would be a girl this time. I'm really losing it thanks to the wondrously naughty boy of mine. Another would be the last straw. He'll be 3 in Sept and the questions are beginning to sound like public announcement on a railway station. I seem to be the lone traveler on the station! Ha ha...lets see what time decides!

Forever mother said...

Hey Sonal, don't worry there are many passengers at this particular station. Just that most accept that it's an inevitable station ;-)
Yeah...cheers to all of us wanting girl babies. Hope you catch the right train!!!

Aparna said...

Dear ForeverMom,

Came across your blog through Parentree and have been reading all your articles every since :). Great writing! You're an inspiration to people like lazy me who've been wanting to blog but never get around to it!

I could relate to this post as we faced a lot of these questions even before we had our first(she was born 4.5 years after we were married). Although I think because my first was a daughter, who was also such an angel until about 2 years old, we went ahead and had a second - and this was a boy by some balancing act of nature :). I was flabbergasted that the parenting experience can be so different just for a "small"(as I though) gender difference! Can understand why those whose first is a boy would feel the way you do :).


Forever mother said...

Hi Aparna,
Thanks a ton for reading, and thanks a lot for taking time to write in too. Oh and let me also say that I'm pretty lazy. Have been wanting to blog for four years before actually getting down to it. Was scared of the idea at first!

Yes, you are a brave one to have a second, but agreed it's because you had a daughter first. I envy all my classmates who have daughters (and therefore have it "easy" I'd like to think, but they would bash me up for that).

Boys are a world apart. As much as i didnt want to let gender get into the way of my thought process, i realise it and it's reinforced every single day :-)

Aparna said...

Take it from me...all those people who say the second one will be easier are LYING!!! its much harder! so don't get taken in :)) incidentally my first was a boy and the second a girl, the boy is an angel and the girl a complete monster :) Hows that for gender stereotyping? :))

uma said...

hey!!!...same thougths here too..first born is a naughty toddler and I am just not ready to go through all this again..my mil says, dont you need a daughter to take care of you??!!!...as though it is a given that it will be a girl next time. My answer was, no. am perfectly capable of taking care of myself!..have written a post on these lines..

whinymom said...

Hey there... First time on your blog and havent done anything else at work since then :) Loving it...

Oh and on wanting a girl, I used to wish for a girl before my E (2.5) came. And he is everything a spirited toddler should be. Cannot/ Will not sit still for a second, and part of the reason why im not putting on extra weight even in pregnancy!! lol..Now im expecting my second baby in 3 months and i would be thrilled to get another boy too (havent found out yet) coz boys are so much work but also so much FUN!! :D

Forever mother said...

Hey Whinymom
That's the best compliment ever...if ur at work and surfing my blog!! ;-)
Wow, congrats on the second pregnancy and I hope your second turns out to be all that you want ....all the best for a safe and easy delivery. And girl....love your spirit..WOW