KITCHEN WARS ...where M-I-L is always the victor

I fail to understand why mothers-in-law are wired the way they are.
What makes them treat their sons so differently from their daughters-in-law?
Why is it acceptable for a son-in-law to get away with saying "I can't live with your parents. Period." How come we daughters-in-law get the cold turkey treatment if we ever say the same?

My MIL has just been putting me through such a devastating family drama, and the centrepoint of our war -- from where we've both been shooting our volley of words -- is the kitchen.
I like her. She's been good and kind overall.

But what i don't understand is why I must make all the compromises all the time... specially in the kitchen. If i take three steps down the path to make certain changes to suit her, I also expect her to take at least two steps to make some modification in her kitchen rituals, and not waste food.

I also believe in "doing as the Romans do in Rome" so when I'm visiting her, I always adhere to her kitchen style, rules, etc etc. But when she comes visiting, it is just plain unacceptable for her to make some adjustments. Why is there such a great resistance to change?

I have certain pots and vessels for certain foods and it's really unacceptable for me when she uses my curd-making vessel to boil tea!!! It's seasoned for a purpose and I always make it a point to set things aside and tell her before leaving for work, but it's like talking to a wall. The tea will be made in that same vessel ONLY.

She needs food made fresh -- once in the morning and once again at night. I don't have that kind of time. One meal is all i can handle. So i organise a cook. MIL refuses to put away the noon's leftovers in the refrigerator. She believes such food gives her a stomach ache. So I invite her to make for herself whatever she wants, fresh. She doesnt want to cook. If i keep something in the fridge and ask her to put it out by evening for some natural de-frosting, she won't. "Because I don't eat it" is the explanation i get!!! Well, I eat it. But who's listening?

All this is still fine. What I hate is her throwing away leftovers, saying it's spoilt. I don't believe in wasting food, not when you see so many people in the world having nothing much to eat. It's not like I make large quantities either. I don't mind refridgerating and eating the food a day later.
And so my battle continues. Never once will the sons even suggest that perhaps she could comply with keeping food in the fridge even if she doesn't want to eat it. All of it doesnt have to sit out in the sun and rot. Her dear son(s) always supoort her and tell me I must not take these issues seriously and let her just throw the food away. It's no big deal, I've been told.

From where I come, that's blasphemy.
MIL created a scene one day, said some nasty things about my pareents, and walked out... now she will come to town but won't stay with us. She'll go over to the other son. I'm ok with it. It keeps us off each other's "danger" territory and we're back to our old easy cordial relationship. But my husband mopes. Goes off food and talking to me when she's in town...life sucks.

I am now this mean daughter-in-law who refused to adjust with her MIL, who quarrelled and split up the family over some "trivial food issues".

God!! you can never please everybody...or for that matter, anybody.