Tuesday, January 4, 2011

D is for December and Dreading Change, J is for January and Jolly Good

I hate change in life. It's one of those things I dread in life. And yet, every year, in December, it hits me. Big Time.

So I have a new nanny
So I have a new cook
So I have new furniture all over the place
So I have a new schedule
So I have a new job offer

All this while I was contemplating quitting. And going mad. And going mad all over again.

It's crazy how life suddenly changes, and how instrumental you are in changing it -- willingly or unwillingly. And as one year seamlessly merges into another routine year, you suddenly feel "hey!! this is a new beginning. It's January. A new start". While all it probably is, is a cycle.

Ok I'm crazy. I'm a pessimist.

And here on the threshold of the New Year are opportunities that might mean a sea change in my life, lifestyle, work, time spent with child, on home etc etc. AAAArrggg. I hate making decisions. Mostly because I have to be responsible for its consequences later in life. Every well-wisher around you will tell you "It's finally your call". In other words, "You're responsible for your decision...don't blame me..." But they will be there to take credit when things go right.

Sonny Boy has a new nanny. Whom he seems to LOVE. She's young and pretty. She doesn't ever scold him. She likes playing cricket with him. She patiently feeds him lunch (his most trying meal of the day).

She's also my new cook! Decided I'll do that so that in the morning I can supervise her cooking (read cleanliness while cooking) and at the same time have exclusive time with Sonny Boy -- wake him up with his usual cuddle-kiss routine he loves first thing in the morning, pee, brush and get some milk into him before playschool, potty him and dress him up and see him off. I like that routine and want it to be exclusively mine with him.

Nanny takes over once he comes back from playschool, till I reach home. It seems like an OK arrangement. My parents seem relieved. So all's well that ends well.

Just that new nanny girl is tooo slow with work, needs to be told what to do -- not the instinctive one who knows what and when to do things. She can't tell stories (the previous one told ten when Sonny asked for one!) She doesn't speak much. Anyway my dad's around to do the storytelling and talking so I better not complain much.

I'm busy now mulling the idea of a job change. But the constant fear lurking  in my mind is "What if this new nanny quits soon after I take up a new job?" "What if I hardly have time with Sonny?" "What if I can't take the pressure of a bigger and different role?"
I'm not able to figure out the new profile completely so there are many doubts -- mostly about myself.

Ok I'm too confused and have too much to put down here. So I'll just stop.

And wish all of you a HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I want to thanks all of you for standing by me during the last month, when I was a miserable miserable being.
Thanks a ton to Garima, Aparna in Noida and Aparna in Bangalore -- the three constant supporters. And all the others -- "anonymous" commentators included, for the responses, for and against my decisions. It helps when making further decisions!


Garima said...

Yippie Yeah!!!! Hugs Hugs Hugs.... awesome start of the new year.. i am totally envious of the Nanny..one who cooks and does the mommoth task of feeding the kiddo. It is the hardest meal, this side of town..
To new beginnings!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey, I am actualy relieved for you, just read thru all ur previous posts and was a bit worried, but I am glad that the new yar has brought wonderful changes in your life.
I hope it turns out to be a great year ahead...

Aparna said...

Hey I've been slow on the blogging in 2011, but back atlast in the last couple of days :) A very happy new year to you too! And don't worry about the nanny - sometimes slow and steady is the way to go.. esp. if kiddo likes her !!
All the best for your job related decisions too!