Wednesday, June 16, 2010

What motherhood has done to me

Sometimes I keep wondering why I think so much of motherhood, why its taken up my whole life right now. And why I'm making such a big deal of it, when most of the world is full of mothers who go about their daily lives without freaking out and acting like it's SOMETHING BIG.

And it's precisely why I'm blogging. To give vent to my own thoughts, to see it solid in print, and to stop friends and colleagues from getting bored. Because I'm quite sure they don't want to hear me say all this to them every day. I know how irritated I get when a colleague (who's pregnant now) can't stop talking of her pregnancy -- whatever we're discussing, be it football or Iraq, she'll inevitably somehow link it back to pregnancy and come right back!!!

Just yesterday one of my mentors at work told me motherhood has made me a strong person; rock solid. Otherwise, earlier I was a crybaby, she said!!! Maybe true. (Well, I guess that "cry baby" role's been taken on by my dear S now.)

Another colleague (whom I've worked with for an equal number of years, as with my mentor) says motherhood has softened me and sobered me down. Otherwise I was too forthright, rude, and curt, she says! Maybe true.

I know one thing for sure. Motherhood has made me less judgemental about other people. Earlier, so many things that people chose to do, shocked me -- choose not to cook at home, not have babies, not to many things that are considered a "must" in our culture.

But now, I always tell myself, there must be a good reason that makes people do what they do. Who am I to judge them?

Just like I don't want to be judged for the way I'm handling motherhood, or the way I'm raising my child.


namrata said...

i so understand what you write!!! it is almost as if you are penning down my thoughts!!! i really enjoy your blogs.... its nice to know that its not only me who has all these "un-motehrly' feelings....your blogs are honest and fresh...keep 'em coming

Forever mother said...

Hi Namrata
You just made my day with your encouraging comments. Thanks a ton.

I guess we all (at least most of us) have these un-motherly feelings. Just that if we say them loud, we'll be branded bad mothers, and shock the hell out of people around us.
I guess we are universally expected to be beaming and glowing mothers...which I find impossible. I'm human, after all. :-)

And keep coming back.